Updated Jul 2
Yes. I was one of the children in such a situation.
It isn’t “politically correct” to tell the truth about this. But that is also the case with numerous other issues.
Anyway,
My deadbeat mother decided that she was entitled to use her children as a permanent meal-ticket.
She exercised her legitimate right to leave my father. “Leave” meaning about a thousand kilometres, for years.
Then, she used the threat of court action to extort my father for most of his income. He had a lower standard of living than she did. Despite the fact that he worked, and she didn’t.
ETA: Perhaps the above phrase, “used the threat of court action to extort my father” wasn’t clear. There was NOT any court order for child support, or any other court involvement. It was simply the threat of that. Neither parent wanted to go to court, due to Mommy’s history of violent, criminal child abuse, Daddy’s neglect by ignoring it, Mommy’s stated suggestion that she might make false accusations against Daddy, and also the fact that none of the “children” (teenagers) were enrolled in school (which had been an issue in a previous investigation by authorities).
ETA (cont’d): The fact that Mommy didn’t actually have legal grounds to expect permanent support wasn’t particularly meaningful at that point. She may have had some idea of using the below-described Malingering By Proxy to create a legal threat. At one point, she threatened to go to court, and to subject me to legal incompetency proceedings (based on the below-described retardation claim), to effectively cancel my legal-adult status, and force me to live with her past age 18. The fact that she didn’t actually have legal or practical ability to do this wasn’t particularly meaningful to her, and she thought that the mere threat was enough to bully me into staying.
ETA (cont’d): In any event, she had a massive sense of entitlement to continue the free ride. Including the view that she was simply “owed” money and other resources, as compensation for being miserable with her life.
Daddy had to get up and work all day, every day, at a demanding job.
Mommy sat on the couch all day, every day, watching television.
She bled him dry, every month.
The “children” (teenagers) were past the age of legal and practical ability to be left alone. These weren’t some kind of toddlers in need of supervision.
Mommy developed the delusion that she could force her “children” to continue living with her, after the age of 18.
Mommy believed that she could force her “children” to remain financially dependent. She believed that none of us would ever get jobs or our own apartments.
Mommy believed that her “children” would remain “children” and that Daddy would just keep paying and paying and paying. So that she could continue using her “children” as a meal-ticket, and avoid employment.
Mommy believed that the child support free ride would just continue for the rest of her life.
Mommy anticipated that, when her “children” were 30 or 40 years old, we would still live with her, totally dependent, and she would continue extorting child support from Daddy.
Mommy also engaged in Malingering By Proxy, and hoped to collect disability welfare for her three little retards (me and my siblings). Her 18th birthday present to my sister was a welfare application.
I was designated as “The Bad Kid” for daring to get a job, and my own apartment. Because it meant that Deadbeat Mommy couldn’t demand “child” support payments, or welfare payments, based on me.
ETA: Mommy sat on her arse for years, doing absolutely nothing to seek employment or education/training. Because she refused to face the eventual need for those things. Moved to a craptastic rural small town (pop. 3,500) with high unemployment/underemployment, high poverty, high welfare dependence, zero educational institutions, just for a free piece of land (courtesy of her own parents) to put a trailer on. Massive denial.
ETA (cont’d): That was a large issue of “abusing” the child support. Instead of using it as a temporary time-cushion in which to prepare (school, part-time job, etc) for independence/responsibility, she wasted it by sitting around, doing nothing. And used the free ride to move to an area which she knew had very poor employment prospects for herself, and for her “children” (teenagers).
ETA (cont’d): Well into adulthood, I have received repeated social abuse (always from females) for having somehow done something wrong, by refusing to stay in that craptastic little town with Mommy.
Then, one day, the youngest “child” turned 18 years old.
Mommy got a little surprise.
Daddy slammed the brakes on the gravy train, and brought the free ride to a screeching halt. He was probably running down to divorce court, joyfully yelling, “Free at last! Thank God almighty, I’m free at last!” Because he could finally check that most important box on a divorce application form: “Are there any children under 18?” with a resounding NO.
Deadbeat Parasite Mommy got introduced to reality.
ETA: People keep posting comments asking what happened next.
What happened was that, she had to finally get a job, and face the world as an adult. She was apparently a toxic workplace bully. At one point, was working in a rest home, and physically/criminally abused a resident, but managed to get away with it, due to lack of evidence (e.g. dementia issues). The habitual child abuser will become an elder abuser.
Like many women, she was completely offended to learn that, being female is not an automatic exemption from working to fully support one’s self. The idea of that exemption is one of the worst social messages sent to girls and young women. And factors into the abuse of child support.
Also, in order to obtain employment, she had to leave the aforementioned craptastic small town, and move to a place with better job prospects. Exactly the actions that I have been persistently told were “wrong” for me to have done (due to projection of the pervasive female fear of geographic relocation).
ETA (yet again): Some people have challenged the accuracy of this post. What they don’t comprehend is that I am talking about an individual with an extreme sense of entitlement. And an extreme fear of the grownup world of employment. And an extreme fantasy-orientation of having authority over other people.
ETA (yet again, cont’d): The word is, “sociopath”. The type who not only lacks emotional empathy, but also lacks cognitive empathy, and gets surprised when others refuse to cooperate with her demands.
ETA (yet again, cont’d): A massive personality disorder, which I had the misfortune to encounter again in a few other women in the following several years. Including the expectation of a total, limitless financial free ride (and general enabling of bad behaviour) without any marriage/sex/children involved. It’s known to them as, platonic “friendship”.