How crazy is your mother?

Answered Jan 2, 1019

Everyone who actually has met my mother views her as a dangerous, mindlessly hateful sociopath.

Everyone who hasn’t met her projects their mommy-worship fantasies, and assume her to be a wonderful person. I have been persistently called a liar after describing her actual behaviour.

The most charitable interpretation of my mother is that she has stroke induced brain damage. Which causes a total lack of empathy, unprovoked rage, violence, and unrealistic expectations.

She had at least two known strokes before the age of thirty. And around age fifty, got her head scanned, and was found to have more lesions, where the brain tissue had died.

She knows that she has had multiple strokes, but has directly denied having brain damage.

She ought to have been forceably confined to a secure facility, and never released. I wouldn’t care if it was a psych ward or a prison. But she was never held accountable for any of her actions. And instead, was enabled to raise and abuse three children.

She also had very poor decision-making. As I’ve described in one of my other answers, she expected all of her children to continue living with her, after we were adults. And expected for none of us to ever be employed. And expected my father to continue sending her most of his income for the rest of her life. So effectively child support for children who were actually adults.

She also tried to gaslight me with the idea that I was severely mentally retarded, and that I lacked the minimal intelligence to ever work or live independently. I never believed this, but she persisted for years.

She has directly admitted to having criminally abused all of her children. But also refused to comprehend why anyone might form a negative opinion about this. And has also attempted to minimise or deny the severity of her behaviour. While admitting that she doesn’t remember large portions of her life.

Her level of violence had a risk of going all the way to homicide.

She has basically admitted to lacking any empathy for other human beings. And lacking any insight on the impact of chronic violence, and chronic psychological abuse.

She had a lot of violent fantasies, and loved hyper-violent war themed movies, which she would watch over and over. And would boast that her career aspiration was be employed as a mercenary soldier, because killing people would be fun. She would say this seriously, as if it were a perfectly viable and reasonable plan, and never admitted that it was just a fantasy.

She loved threatening to actually kill her children.

When I was thirteen, a neighbour tipped off the authorities, who started an abuse investigation. They were going to start sending a social worker to our home for periodic monitoring visits. She responded by grabbing all of us children, and moving to another part of the country, and even attempted to leave before my father got home from work that day. She also suggested that she was considering falsely accusing my father of molesting my sister, in order to justify running.

When I was a bit older, my sister started acting out by frequently hitting me, just because she was in a bad mood, and had learned by example. My mother told me that I was expected to tolerate it. My mentally ill brother put me in serious fear for my safety, and it was clear that my mother believed it would be perfectly acceptable if he assaulted me. A solid majority of women utterly fail to comprehend why I removed myself from that situation at eighteen.

She seriously believed that she could continue physically abusing all of her children after we were adults, and that we would just tolerate it. She toned it down somewhat after the legal investigation, and also when she noticed that my brother and I were physically bigger than her, but she never completely stopped hitting.

One time, when i was seventeen, I was driving (because she couldn’t drive), and she waved her hand in my face, just barely stopping short of repeatedly slapping me. While the car was moving, in traffic. So I had to explain to her that this was dangerous, and that she could find herself dealing with other adults if she caused a crash. She actually offered to sit in the back seat, basically acknowledging that she didn’t feel that she could control herself if I was within reach.

She has directly stated the intent to criminally abuse my sister’s children. My idiot sister still has contact with her, but set a strict rule on her kids to never be in a room alone with my mother.

While working in a rest home, she criminally abused one of the elderly residents, but managed to get away with it. And she didn’t even bother to deny this when I confronted her about it.

Both my father and my sister concur with my view that, my mother’s physical and psychological abuse was the main cause of my brother’s suicide.

If I were ever in the same room with her again, she would very possibly physically attack me.

Years ago, I spoke with my uncle (i.e. my mother’s bother), and he stated that, my mother was hateful, and prone to unprovoked violence, even when she was a child. She was born evil.

The last I heard (around 2005), my mother had the idea that I was tapping her telephone to spy on her. And she told my sister that, if I ever come anywhere near her, she will call the police, with whatever criminal accusation she can come up with, to try to cause me to be arrested/charged/incarcerated.

The entire female half of society still treats me like I am the bad person for daring to cut the umbilical cord. About fifty percent will deny that any mother would ever behave like she did. And the other fifty percent will blame me, and tell me that I caused and deserved it. I jettisoned the abusive mother many years ago, but I still have to live with the abusive society (or, again, just the female half). I’ve been told that I don’t have the right or even the ability to stay away from her.

As I said at the start of this answer, the only people who comprehend are those who have actually met my mother. And absolutely none of them want anything to do with her, either.

What is the most ignorant thing someone has said to you?

Answered Dec 31, 2018

There is no lower limit to the ignorance that you may encounter.

A lot of this is economic. Other angles relate to general life trajectory. Examples of false but intractable beliefs:

  • No employer will ever pay more than minimum wage, to any employee, for any job.
  • No employer will ever pay for more than forty hours of work per week, and there is a law that says they don’t have to.
  • Employers pay employees simply to be physically present, and don’t have the right to even care if you got any work done.
  • If your job position is eliminated, the employer is legally required to give you another one (i.e. redundancy/layoffs don’t really happen).
  • All employees put forth the least possible level of effort that they feel forced into, while remaining barely employed.
  • Everyone lives paycheque-to-paycheque, spending down to zero dollars every two weeks.
  • People only live in low-rent, high-crime neighbourhoods because they enjoy the atmosphere, and everyone can afford to live in a nice area.
  • It is physically impossible to live in a modest, one-room studio apartment, or such a situation is equivalent to a cardboard box on the street.
  • There are zero armed robberies/assaults in high-risk workplaces. So the workers don’t have any excuse to be paranoid.
  • Street crime doesn’t really happen.
  • Jobs are all divided into men’s jobs and women’s jobs.
  • Chronic non-workers think that, anyone with any job can afford to hand them any amount of cash, as fast as they can spend it. This is known as “friendship”.
  • Many people think that the only possible leisure activity is watching television, and never heard of reading books.
  • Many people never heard of learning anything outside of a formal school environment/arrangement.
  • Everyone hates formal education, and only experiences to the extent of being coerced.
  • Going to university is considered bad behaviour, worthy of social punishment.
  • Students can sit in a classroom, playing video games, playing with the phone, and having irrelevant conversations while ignoring the teacher, and will still magically receive passing grades.
  • Everyone is obligated to tolerate sexual harassment, involving physical touching, in educational and workplace situations. Or maybe your aren’t even allowed to view it as harassment.  I’ve had women say this to me.
  • Many people have never heard of child abuse. Especially mothers who don’t love their children, and criminally beat them for fun.
  • Immigrants are all just on vacation, and have to go home real soon now. No matter how many years they have been in this country.
  • It is impossible for an adult to relocate to a new city. For university, or a job, or any other reason.
  • Everyone lives in the same town as their mother, because everyone still has the umbilical cord attached
  • Every decent person can call the Bank Of Mommy And Daddy to make a withdrawal, any time they are short on cash.
  • Everyone has a middle class background.
  • Everyone is married/partnered, because nobody is capable of living alone.
  • Everyone has unplanned children.
  • Everyone likes a certain sex act, including people who consistently refuse.

Another general principle is that, someone who lacks a basic skill, will believe that nobody has that skill. Also, people with low skill levels (e.g. poor literacy, vocabulary, general knowledgebase, etc.) are generally oblivious to this fact.

Many people believe that, their own first-hand experience of life is comprehensive, and that, nobody else has any wider (or even just different) life experiences.

A solid majority of people firmly believe one, some, most, or even all of these things.

What is it like to have an abusive mother?

Updated Dec 22

I have an abusive society, which bullies me with their delusion that mothers are all saintly, innocent widdle creatures.

The abusive mother was jettisoned decades ago. The abusive society will always, always, always try to shove its delusional denial and victim-blaming down my throat.

What the abusive society has taught me is that, my moral standing is magically unrelated to any of my own actions. Because only an eeeevvvile sack of excrement would either:

  • Lie, and falsely accuse poor widdle Mommy of being violent.
  • Accurately describe poor widdle Mommy’s violence, but actively, deliberately caused her to behave in that manner, against her will.
  • Be born to an abuser (i.e. one’s morality and violence-deserving is determined before being conceived).

You can grow up and get away from the abusive mother. But you cannot escape the abusive society.

Anyone who didn’t/doesn’t have an abusive mother, lives in a fantasy world, which entitles them to be a participant in the abusive society.

Have you met a homeless person who deserves it?

Answered Dec 18

Yes. It was someone who had been coddled by middle-class (or possibly upper-middle-class?) Mommy and Daddy, into thinking that the whole world owed her even more coddling.

Zero excuse of socioeconomic status, abuse, or any other disadvantage.

Totally out of control, and totally abusive to anyone who felt sorry for her.

What is the fondest memory you have of an abusive parent?

Updated Oct 31

My fondest memory was at 18 and finally a legal adult…

Walking right on out the door…

As the abuser got that confused, “I don’t understand how this is happening” look on her face. Which abusers tend to get when you walk.

Yep, a very fond memory.

What does it feel like to have your sibling die?

Answered Oct 24

This can be among the most painful (and long-lasting painful) things you can experience.

It can be one of a handful of defining moments in your life. You will never “get over it”, and have zero obligation to do so, despite the arrogant social pressure to do so.

Depending on circumstances, you may feel guilt, wondering if you could have done something to prevent it.

It can help you to be more aware of your own mortality, in a world where many people don’t actually grasp that death is real, and comes for all of us.

Afterwards, for the rest of your life… You can expect exactly zero empathy from anyone about it.

Would it be ridiculous to illegalize 18 just because 18-year-olds aren’t mentally matured or experienced enough?

Answered Oct 24

At 18, I voluntarily recognised that I needed to work and take care of myself.

Against my idiot mother’s ideas, I moved about a thousand kilometers to stay with my father. Entirely to be in a geographic area with much better job prospects. I slept on his living room floor.

I struggled and got a job in a factory, with physical labour for US$3.35 an hour (minimum wage at the time). Put a few paycheques in the bank.

My father had a major career change, and was about to move to another city. I said that, it was time to be an adult, waived by-by, and got my first apartment. Paid for by me, with my money, that I earned by working at an adult job.

A month later, I moved a longer distance, to a large, aggressive city where I knew nobody. Got a room and a job and proceeded into adulthood.

I was still just 18 at that time.

With the level of coddling and support systems that some people have, I could easily have done that at 15 or 16, depending on legal eligibility.

I am acquainted with someone who actually did start working and supporting herself without a good support system, when she was 15, and who is one of the coolest people I’ve ever known. She was somewhat older when I first met her, but still comes across as more mature than average.

Functioning young adults (at 18 or whatever age) should never be legally or socially disadvantaged, just because somebody else lacked maturity.

I have actually witnessed attempts to raise “childhood” up to the age of 25, for things like medical consent, which is totally offensive and stupid.

There are 30-and-40-year-olds who lack the maturity and experience that I had as a teenager. Would you propose that those people be used to set the bar of adulthood to be past their age?

Does female privilege exist?

Answered Oct 24

Yes, and it can even be used against other females.

The first thing that comes to mind is violence. I have actually heard the following:

  • “I’ve heard of men beating their children, but I’ve never heard of a woman doing that, so you are lying”.
  • “If you said that your father beat you, I would automatically believe that. But, since you say your mother beat you, then you are lying”.
  • “If you think that your mother beat you, then you are dangerous and need to check into a mental hospital, and don’t come out until you have learned that women never do that!”
  • “You’re going to tell me what you did to make your poor, innocent mother beat you!”
  • “No male should ever hit a female, because males are all larger and stronger than females”. (Gets really quiet and nervous when asked why it shouldn’t just be “Nobody should ever initiate violence against anyone”, or when asked about a 30-year-old female vs. a 5-year-old male).
  • A woman who beats her children is actually the innocent victim of a mental illness, while a man who beats his wife is a fully responsible thug.
  • A woman who beats her small child is defending herself from aggression perpetrated by the child.

These things will be hurled at a female abuse survivor, so it is largely about Mommy-Privilege.

Between adults, many women have been trained to feel totally immune to receiving violence. Which can lead to a sense of entitlement to initiate physical aggression, without any fear of the other party defending themselves. This includes entitlement to initiate aggression against both men, and also against other women.

Some other angles:

A male schoolteacher who gets caught for having sex with an underage female student is viewed as a disgusting, predatory paedophile. While a female schoolteacher having sex with an underage male is viewed as showing him a good time, with lawyers, courts, and journalists making excuses, as Van Halen’s “Hot For Teacher” plays in the background.

Among adults, rape of females is a heinous crime, while rape of males is considered funny.

I have personally known females who directly stated that, false accusations of domestic violence would be a cool way of asserting power and extorting resources. Including false accusations against a platonic friend or acquaintance.

Some countries have policies of never prosecuting known false rape accusations, and false domestic violence accusations.

Most females refuse to care about such accusations, due to the naive assumption of being immune. In reality, all females need to learn about Haley Maxwell, and her false rape accusation which devastated the life of another female.

Child support payments are often ex-wife support payments. You won’t see many men using their kids as a meal ticket.

Alternately, use your kids as a meal ticket via the government welfare system.

Generally, popping out unplanned, impoverished children in a totally irresponsible manner gets you social Mommy Privilege, while a man who irresponsibly fathers children doesn’t get any corresponding privilege.

Use men as proxy weapons to threaten and abuse men, or other females. Including threats of, and actual physical violence.

Military conscription has never, and will never disadvantage females, while males are viewed as cannon fodder.

Workplace conditions, including rates of injury, disability, and fatality, are much worse for working class men.

Don’t feel like working at a job? Get a boyfriend or husband.

Don’t feel like being an independent adult? Feel free to keep living with your mommy and daddy, when you are in your late-20s, or even older, without any social stigma.

The idea that, being female entitles you to financially leech off of males can even extend to entitlement to leech off of other women, including in totally platonic situations. I have personally known individuals with this attitude.

If you desperately need a bottom-of-the-barrel job, females will be hired over males for caring for elderly and disabled people. I have worked in that field, and know what it is like, including the need for male staff. There is also a large difference in social perceptions of men vs. women in that field.

Female-dominated workplaces are bullying-dominated workplaces, with zero recourse for the targets.

Want to manipulate, lie, and/or evade consequences for bad behaviour? Turn on the tears, boo hoo hoo.

Domestically abuse, and even sexually assault another female, and she may be viciously called a liar if she ever dares to speak about it. Which is more common than the above-mentioned Maxwell case.

It helps if you are also white, middle-class, hetero-normative, cisgender, and non-immigrant, as you use your whiny little female privilege to savagely abuse other women and children, while pretending to be the victim.

Children most often killed by mothers

Psychiatry Online

Why don’t we ever talk about abusive mothers?

What do people that have never left their hometown think of the world?

Answered Oct 22

They tend to think that everyone is like themselves, and that everyplace is equivalent.

There is common idea that everyone just remains living in one place for their whole life, and that nobody ever changes where they live. If they hear that you have relocated, they may treat you like you are on a temporary, short-term vacation. And that you automatically “have to” to go back to where you “really” live.

People who lack basic relocation-related skills, like navigating an unfamiliar area with a street map, tend to project that skill deficit onto everyone else.

People who lack basic relocation-related aptitudes, like the psychological ability to handle unfamiliar environments, or to go someplace alone, tend to project that aptitude deficit onto everyone else.

People who feel tied to a location based on emotional and/or financial dependence upon someone else, project that dependence onto everyone else.

I have encountered people who couldn’t even handle going across town, insidethe local area, by themselves, and projected that onto everyone else.

They also lack understanding that there may be legitimate practical reasons for a person to relocate. Someone in the suburbs of a large city may fail to comprehend that, some locations have very poor opportunity levels (e.g. small, isolated, impoverished rural towns with severe unemployment and underemployment).

They tend to think that everywhere is basically the same, including foreign countries.

Some people will start up with this immediately upon meeting, and will try to make the entire conversation about projecting these things.