Does female privilege exist?

Answered Oct 24

Yes, and it can even be used against other females.

The first thing that comes to mind is violence. I have actually heard the following:

  • “I’ve heard of men beating their children, but I’ve never heard of a woman doing that, so you are lying”.
  • “If you said that your father beat you, I would automatically believe that. But, since you say your mother beat you, then you are lying”.
  • “If you think that your mother beat you, then you are dangerous and need to check into a mental hospital, and don’t come out until you have learned that women never do that!”
  • “You’re going to tell me what you did to make your poor, innocent mother beat you!”
  • “No male should ever hit a female, because males are all larger and stronger than females”. (Gets really quiet and nervous when asked why it shouldn’t just be “Nobody should ever initiate violence against anyone”, or when asked about a 30-year-old female vs. a 5-year-old male).
  • A woman who beats her children is actually the innocent victim of a mental illness, while a man who beats his wife is a fully responsible thug.
  • A woman who beats her small child is defending herself from aggression perpetrated by the child.

These things will be hurled at a female abuse survivor, so it is largely about Mommy-Privilege.

Between adults, many women have been trained to feel totally immune to receiving violence. Which can lead to a sense of entitlement to initiate physical aggression, without any fear of the other party defending themselves. This includes entitlement to initiate aggression against both men, and also against other women.

Some other angles:

A male schoolteacher who gets caught for having sex with an underage female student is viewed as a disgusting, predatory paedophile. While a female schoolteacher having sex with an underage male is viewed as showing him a good time, with lawyers, courts, and journalists making excuses, as Van Halen’s “Hot For Teacher” plays in the background.

Among adults, rape of females is a heinous crime, while rape of males is considered funny.

I have personally known females who directly stated that, false accusations of domestic violence would be a cool way of asserting power and extorting resources. Including false accusations against a platonic friend or acquaintance.

Some countries have policies of never prosecuting known false rape accusations, and false domestic violence accusations.

Most females refuse to care about such accusations, due to the naive assumption of being immune. In reality, all females need to learn about Haley Maxwell, and her false rape accusation which devastated the life of another female.

Child support payments are often ex-wife support payments. You won’t see many men using their kids as a meal ticket.

Alternately, use your kids as a meal ticket via the government welfare system.

Generally, popping out unplanned, impoverished children in a totally irresponsible manner gets you social Mommy Privilege, while a man who irresponsibly fathers children doesn’t get any corresponding privilege.

Use men as proxy weapons to threaten and abuse men, or other females. Including threats of, and actual physical violence.

Military conscription has never, and will never disadvantage females, while males are viewed as cannon fodder.

Workplace conditions, including rates of injury, disability, and fatality, are much worse for working class men.

Don’t feel like working at a job? Get a boyfriend or husband.

Don’t feel like being an independent adult? Feel free to keep living with your mommy and daddy, when you are in your late-20s, or even older, without any social stigma.

The idea that, being female entitles you to financially leech off of males can even extend to entitlement to leech off of other women, including in totally platonic situations. I have personally known individuals with this attitude.

If you desperately need a bottom-of-the-barrel job, females will be hired over males for caring for elderly and disabled people. I have worked in that field, and know what it is like, including the need for male staff. There is also a large difference in social perceptions of men vs. women in that field.

Female-dominated workplaces are bullying-dominated workplaces, with zero recourse for the targets.

Want to manipulate, lie, and/or evade consequences for bad behaviour? Turn on the tears, boo hoo hoo.

Domestically abuse, and even sexually assault another female, and she may be viciously called a liar if she ever dares to speak about it. Which is more common than the above-mentioned Maxwell case.

It helps if you are also white, middle-class, hetero-normative, cisgender, and non-immigrant, as you use your whiny little female privilege to savagely abuse other women and children, while pretending to be the victim.

Children most often killed by mothers

Psychiatry Online

Why don’t we ever talk about abusive mothers?

How do you instill confidence in girls as they grow up?

Updated Jun 30

Some of this applies to both girls and boys, but a lot is female-oriented.

  1. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, a huge issue for girls and women is financial responsibility. There is a very common message (even in the 21st century) that, being female means that working and supporting one’s self is optional. When that girl becomes a young adult, she may be totally unprepared to do that. She may get into, and stay in, a bad relationship, just for the financial support. Or she may have “failure to launch” and remain dependent on her parents. Or she may become confused, frightened, and angry in a situation where she only has the money/resources that she can personally generate by working. One reason why men seem more confident about this is not because they are told they “can” do it, but rather that they must. Working and fully supporting themselves is presented as a normal, basic part of adulthood. Girls would benefit from being taught this, as well.
  2. There is mass insecurity over physical appearance and attractiveness. This also relates to mass competition, incessant, immediate comparisons to other females, etc. It can manifest as feeling depressed, but I have also seen it come out as criticism and even hostility towards other females. There is an effort to distract from insecurities by lashing out. Girls would benefit from direct conversations about the social focus on appearance, and the dysfunctional behaviours that result.
  3. Western media and popular culture are hypersexualised. There has been an explosion of pornography, being viewed by both boys and girls, from a young age. And it is mostly females being degraded for male consumption. Girls would benefit from being reassured that they don’t have any obligation to buy into all of this. And they don’t have to tolerate bad behaviour and attitudes from porn-programmed young men, although it is important to know that they will be facing those behaviours and attitudes.
  4. Teach them not to worry about being viewed as a prude if they are modest, or as a loser if they are single.
  5. Teach them about alcohol, and its dangers.
  6. At the youngest age possible, teach girls (and boys) basic daily household activities. Put out the rubbish and recycling. Do the laundry. Clean the bathroom. Prepare a simple meal. I have encountered university students who had difficulty with these things.
  7. Teach them how to navigate themselves with a street map, to get to someplace that they have never previously been. I have encountered allegedly adult women who didn’t grasp that this skill (and psychological aptitude) even existed.
  8. Teach them to use the telephone in an adult manner. Start with simple things like calling a business to ask their opening hours.
  9. Teach them to use public transportation (e.g. finding the needed routes).
  10. Teach them about cars. Basic things like checking the oil and coolant, changing a tyre, etc. Also warn them some dishonest mechanics may assume that women know nothing about cars, and so are targets for fraudulent repair diagnoses.
  11. Teach them about finding information. Locations of things, suppliers and prices, laws/regulations, etc. Make sure they have a library card, and understand that the internet isn’t just for playing with FaceBook.
  12. Teach them about money. It doesn’t just magically appear, and the supply is limited. Distinguish need-spending and want-spending. Prepare them for the real possibility of having a standard of living downgrade when they get their first apartment. Open a bank account, and practice the habit of putting a few dollars into savings every week, and leaving it there. Cultivate self-control with money.
  13. Teach them that they don’t have to be limited to pink collar jobs.
  14. Warn them that, as a working adult, they will likely experience some level of sexual harassment. They may need to be careful in handling it, but don’t necessarily have to feel overly intimidated.
  15. Teach them about the realities of crime. Also emphasise the fact that, a lot of violent crime is perpetrated by someone known to the victim, so they can reduce their risk by being careful about who they let into their lives.
  16. Teach them that marriage and children are optional, not required. Warn them that, many adult women fail to understand or respect this.
  17. Teach them that, other people won’t always want to be friends with them, and that is OK. Also teach them that, other people won’t always want to be romantic partners with them, and that is OK. Rejection is a normal part of life.
  18. Teach them to have a good attention span. Not just in the short term (put the phone away and listen to the school lecture), but also in the longer term (worthwhile life goals cannot be accomplished if the longest time frame you can imagine is two weeks).
  19. Teach them that there will always be some other girl or woman who seems to have a better situation (appearance, money, whatever). It may feel bad, but it is a normal part of life.
  20. Teach them to avoid whining, and to focus on problem-solving.

I constantly hear someone talking to me, in my head. It tells me to do bad things like to hurt myself, and I talk to it sometimes. Am I crazy?

Answered Jun 21

I wouldn’t use the word, “crazy”.

However, that sounds like an auditory hallucination, and can be a sign of schizophrenia.

It is important to keep understanding that, harming yourself would be a bad thing. You do not have to anything that seems bad like that.

What you hear is not any kind of real person, and it does not have any authority over you. It is like a bad dream, that just happens more often.

You should never feel any shame about being “crazy”, or about going to a psychiatrist. Some people get relief with medication.

It isn’t a real person. It’s just a dream figure. If I was in your situation, I would avoid talking to it, because that would make it seem more real than it is.

I once knew someone who had this problem, and who went ahead and did a really bad thing. He was ashamed of being “crazy”. But you don’t have to feel ashamed, and you don’t have to do anything like that.

Why do people hate immigrants?

Updated Jun 8

Sometimes, it is based on feeling offended that somebody is different to themselves, including interpreting that as a personal judgement or attack upon themselves.

However, this can arise even if you have the majority ethnicity, the majority language, and an appearance that looks average (i.e. you don’t speak, dress, worship, or act “foreign”). In a way, that might seem even more jolting to them, such as with the sudden, unexpected foreign accent that comes out of your mouth. Like you were deceiving them with the “normal” appearance. It also defuses their resentment-excuse of, “Those obnoxious, weird-looking foreigners who refuse to assimilate into our society”.

If you resemble the majority, then some people who know that you are an immigrant may casually assume that you share their negativity towards different-looking immigrants, including racism.

Upon meeting, some may first jump to the conclusion that you are a clueless tourist or “semester-abroad” student, and then resent being told that they were wrong about something.

It can also be a sense of competition and tall-poppy syndrome.

They may feel trapped, handcuffed, and powerless in life in general, and geography is a sort of symbol or shorthand for that.

There may be a sense that, the immigrant has asserted more independence and control over her life. And has a more interesting life, with wider experiences and knowledge. Which may also be viewed as boosting social status (i.e. worry that other people may view the immigrant as a more interesting person, and the non-immigrant as a boring loser). While failing to grasp that the immigrant actually has lower social status.

When they interrogate you with the tedious, “Where are you from and why are you here?” routine, they may feel agitated at admitting that you possess information which they don’t possess. They don’t like the risk that you might tell them that it is none of their business.

They may feel indignant that, you got off the couch, made a decision, and proceeded to action, without consulting them first. Which implies that maybe the world doesn’t really revolve around them, and maybe they don’t really have authority over everybody else.

They may get indignant and claim unfairness (I never get to go anywhere that Iwant!”). Or they may claim that, remaining stuck in one place makes them superior, like they are living life the “right”, mature, responsible way.

The independence issue is common among women, with the pervasive idea that, geographic location is based on emotional and/or financial dependence on someone else. This is one reason for the pattern of women getting much more agitated/resentful (and more interrogatory) than men (who often don’t care).

A woman who feels that her location is dictated by her emotional dependence on her mother will resent a woman cuts the cord and relocates.

A woman who moved to a new city (not necessarily a new country – just a new city) due to her breadwinning husband’s job will resent a single woman who moved voluntarily and alone.

Some people may look for rationalisations, like you are sneaking around, or gaming the system. Or that you are running away from obligations, such as child support. Or they think that you pay taxes to your original country, but not the one to which you immigrated. Some actively hope that you are an illegal immigrant who overstayed a tourist visa, and that you are subject to deportation. They may like the idea of your life-control being forcibly taken away from you (possibly by them reporting you to immigration authorities).

Excuses for treating you with contempt may include believing that you are on some kind of very long vacation, full of leisure and adventure, and that you somehow don’t have to work.

Other rationalisations include stereotypes about certain nationalities, even if you don’t really match the stereotype. Or they may act like the government of your birth-country reflects on you personally (e.g. you may be assumed to support military invasions and obnoxious elected officials). Or that, high-profile crimes in your birth-country reflect on you personally (e.g. American gun violence).

Some natives feel very defensive, and may treat you like you are being offensive if you assert your right to voice legitimate criticism of the country to which you immigrated. Including if you talk about how immigrants are treated.

Some people may have a kind of national self-esteem issues, which may come up if you are originally from a country which they view as more glamorous. This can also go down to the level of being from a prominent and supposedly glamorous city. Including if their perception comes solely from television, cinema, etc.

Some may act friendly when they think that they can somehow use or exploit you (including to somehow make themselves seem cool by association). But, if you reject them, they may lash out, with “Go back to your own country” used as a way of claiming that it is really them rejecting you (and thus them being in the power position).

Some will get upset if you even just relocated from one city to another, inside the country. They may get even more upset if you state that, you reserve the right and ability to pack up and relocate again, by your own choice.

I have encountered people who believed that everyone who attempts to relocate (whether to a new country, or even just to a new city) almost immediately panics, gives up, turns around, and goes back where they came from. Or that, nobody ever attempts to relocate, and that it is consciously planned as a short-term visit, with a specific date to “go back home”. They think that, a person’s geographic location (the specific town or city) is externally dictated, set in stone when they are a child, and that they “have to” stay stuck right there for their whole life.

They might not have even visited anywhere outside the local area. They may imagine that, it would be frightening and disorienting to go anywhere new and unfamiliar, especially alone. They may feel that you are obligated to validate that idea, and feel personally offended if you refuse to do so.

Some people lack the skill (i.e. map-reading) and psychological aptitude to even navigate themselves to unfamiliar locations inside the local area. And they may be highly disturbed if you imply that you are capable of it, in terms of both skill and your psychological comfort.

TLDR: Some of the xenophobes or immigrant-phobes couldn’t even get their own act together to move to a different suburb.

Why do so many people hate their jobs?

Updated Jun 8

It depends on the person and the job, and can range from very general to very specific.

Some people set a sort of baseline when they are children.

Maybe they grew up in a fairly comfortable environment, without perceiving overt financial stress. They may have perceived that their father just sort of disappeared for hours every day, and a middle-class standard of living just magically appeared. They may assume that the breadwinning parent goes to a nice, friendly, low-stress environment, to hang out and socialise with coworkers all day, and receives a nice big paycheque for dong so. They may assume that an employed person simply shows up to a job because s/he feels like it, when s/he feels like it, and expends whatever level of effort s/he feels like. Many children are absolutely coddled and shielded from adversity, stress, hurt feelings, etc, and grow up assuming that working adults are also coddled.

The child enjoys the comfortable standard of living, without having to work at a job, and may perceive everything as being “free”, and automatically provided without having to be earned. By the time they reach legal adulthood, many of them have developed massive senses of entitlement.

Then, all of a sudden, they are expected to get a job. This may involve putting forth more effort than ever before, dealing with more demands, dealing with people who aren’t their friends or family, and who aren’t going to coddle them. They may feel offended by the idea that, an employer isn’t some kind of substitute parent, with an obligation to hand over money simply because the entitled person needs some. They may feel frightened by the threat that they need to either get their work done, and act civilised, or they may be fired by a boss who doesn’t care if they end up homeless. Or they may completely fail to recognise this risk.

And, on top of that, they may experience a lowering of their material standard of living. Such as going from a nice house to a small apartment. They may have had zero concept of how hard their parent(s) had to work to provide the comfortable childhood.

A female-biased issue is the social message that, adult women are entitled to a breadwinning husband or boyfriend. Many girls grow up with a non-employed housewife mother as their primary adult role model. If they grow up and can’t find a spouse/partner to support them, they feel victimised, like society broke its promise to them. This is one aspect of the general attitude that, everybody else is accountable to the hurt feelings of the self-centred little princess, and that, those feelings are evidence of actual victimisation.

In contrast, most boys are raised with the message that, employment will be required of them (for self-support, and as a condition of receiving attention from women) and that nobody cares about their feelings on the matter. This is actually a major source of men’s advantaged position, because it pressures them to act like responsible adults, take care of themselves, and to avoid leeching off of others. It also pressures them to avoid whining or expecting sympathy about it.

Another issue can be ignorance, and denials of the connection between behaviour and outcomes. I have actually encountered grown women who believed that, all jobs pay exactly minimum wage, for (at most) forty hours per week, and that, a job is only viable if it is something that the laziest, least-skilled person could do. This feeds a sense of helplessness.

Many people have a coercion mentality, and will only put forth the absolute minimum effort needed to have housing, food, and a television to watch. Thus, they feel that, the time and effort spent at a job is something that they are being coerced into with threats to their survival, and to the necessities which they feel entitled to receive for free.

Some people have massive competition issues, and may feel enraged at the thought that someone else earns more money, or has better working conditions, or higher status. This relates to feeling victimised by their own situation.

Another female-biased issue is about hours. If you tell a man that you work more than forty hours per week, and/or that you are paid on productivity, they are likely to accept it, due to socialisation to prioritise work in their own lives. In contrast, I have encountered women who treated me like I was doing something horrifically dysfunctional and even evil, by working long hours, and/or having productivity-based earnings. These individuals acted victimised and enraged by my work schedule and/or payment structure. It was like I was “raising the bar” for adult responsibility, and winning some kind of competition for who earns more money. Some got offended at the idea that, I might use skills/knowledge/aptitude that they lacked. Some women’s aversion to work is so severe as to feel personally victimised by somebody else’s job.

Yet another job-hating point relates to coworkers. Somebody might feel envy, and engage in tall-poppy syndrome. This can include resentment on, “How dare that university student have the prospect of escaping this job after graduation”, to asking intrusive questions on your personal life, and feeling offended if it is different to theirs (e.g. if you are single and childfree, while they have unplanned kids consuming much of their paycheque).

There is also, of course, the aggravation of coworkers gossiping about your personal life. Along with the cliquishness.

Some people have a compulsion to establish that, everyone around them is incompetent. I once had a coworker who ran her mouth constantly, LOUDLY, about how stupid practically everyone else was, over incredibly petty things, to the point of distracting us, and herself, from getting work done. She hated the job, and frequently stated the need and intention to move on to something better, but is likely still right there, spewing the same negativity, and inspiring other people to hate the job due to her behaviour.

On the other side, constantly bullying coworkers (and/or supervisors) are a very legitimate reason for hating one’s job. I have experienced coworker bullying in front of elderly clients, and had an environment where the bullying increased physical safety hazards to those clients and to the staff.

One coworker may hold an incredibly petty but openly seething grudge against another coworker, which toxifies the atmosphere for other people who aren’t even the target of the grudge.

Some people love to complain to supervisors, about a coworker that they don’t like, up to the point of lying to try to cause the target to be disciplined or fired.

Some people like to slack off (unscheduled cigarette breaks, standing around socialising, etc), and leave you to do all the work.

Some coworkers are thieves, down to stealing your lunch (including the box) out of the break room. And, if you leave another lunch in there tomorrow, they will steal that one, too (including the box).

Some coworkers (and customers) have incredibly poor communication skills, and will blame you for the resulting difficulty. This is not necessarily involving immigrants with language issues.

Other interpersonal negativity can involve a coworker who brings their personal problems into the workplace. It could be someone who is fuming and directing contempt towards you, and then you overhear her on the phone, regarding the argument she had with her husband this morning. Or somebody carrying on and on about their children. I once dealt with someone who ranted non-stop about her divorce, for almost the entirety of every shift, and had been doing so for over a year.

At one job, it was known that, a certain area of the building was infected with racial/ethnic resentment, directed against european/caucasian/white people, to the point of refusing to engage appropriate teamwork.

Some people think that their particular job is beneath them. This includes people trapped in low-level jobs due to poor attitude, lack of effort, lack of skills, and/or lack of interpersonal civility.

I would expect that, there are people whose job-hatred includes the fact that they may be required to suppress compulsive electronic behaviours, such as playing with their telephone, or scrolling through FaceBook, playing video games, or watching pornography.

Many jobs actually do have poor physical and interpersonal conditions. I have had jobs with disgusting tasks, physical demands (and attendant risks), noise, hazardous equipment and substances, outdoor environments, etc. One job featured many close encounters with drug addicts and other desperate criminals, with a high risk of assault (including homicide) and armed robbery. Emphasised by actually experiencing an armed robbery.

Working with the public, and also some business-to-business situations, will expose you to a constant stream of obnoxious, irrational, inappropriate, demanding, complaining, time-wasting, bigoted, harassing, moronic people. Many enjoy bullying workers, and the power dynamic. If you speak with a foreign accent (no matter how clear or easy to understand), get ready to have strangers interrogate you about it every five minutes, with some even getting openly angry (interestingly, yet another strongly female-biased pattern, based on interpersonal competition and tall-poppy syndrome).

Jobs involving vulnerable people (children, elderly, disabled) may include the risk of being falsely accused of predatory, criminal behaviour. Even an accusation, appearance, or suspicion is extremely dangerous. This risk can be stressful, no matter how innocent you are.

I have witnessed people working in adult education (e.g. lower-tier polytechnics and community colleges), who had to tolerate incredibly obnoxious student behaviours (including stunning levels of classroom disruption), while being pressured by management to maintain a certain percentage of passing grades, to the point of zero academic integrity. I’ve also read some real horror stories about teaching primary and secondary school.

Bosses, supervisors, coworkers, and/or customers may subject you to sexual harassment. Or may take an incessant attitude that, certain jobs are only done by men, or are only done by women, and that you are breaking some kind of rules if you disobey this restriction. If you are a woman who dresses modestly and simply, you may be harassed for that, and, in some situations, run afoul of openly sexist dress codes.

Some bosses and managers are chronically abusive and/or incompetent in a range of ways.

Many jobs actually do pay very poorly for the level of time and effort involved. I once had a boss who openly sat down with me, and asked questions to the effect of, how little he could pay me, and I would still just barely afford food and shelter, while doing exhausting physical labour.

Some workplaces are extremely disorganised. This can also relate to poor orientation procedures, mass poor communication, scheduling glitches, etc.

I once had an employer who played games with taxes, including falsely categorising employees as independent contractors, leading to problems with the taxation authorities, including unexpected debts. The two owners were generally engaged in other forms of fraud, as well. There were also repeated, incompetence-based instances of paycheques bouncing. Add on sexism and possibly illegal/discriminatory firing.

Some jobs are casual-scheduled, without any set number of hours per week, and situations like being awoken by the telephone and, “Somebody called in sick. Can you be here in 20 minutes? We will be short-staffed if you don’t”. You can refuse, or might not be reachable, but this will quickly result in them ceasing to offer any work at all (without officially firing you). Some will also set rules prohibiting you from getting a second job.

Many people fear any sort of change, and that fear helps to trap them into situations (jobs, locations, relationships, etc) in which they feel miserable. Some claim to have an attitude that, the “right” (mature, responsible, stable, common-sense) path is to just get the first low-skill, low-wage job that comes along, and accept staying there for one’s entire working life. Some will denigrate you if you have ever voluntarily resigned from a job (calling you an immature, irresponsible, unstable moron deadbeat), even if you had immediately walked into a much better-paying job with better conditions. Or if you resigned to relocate to a more prosperous geographic area, with better job prospects. Or if you resigned in order to devote your time to higher education, with the goal getting a better job. They will denigrate you, but it’s really about envy, projecting competition, and their own fear and refusal to take responsibility.

Do intelligent and qualified people have tattoos?

Updated May 21

Whether I am intelligent or qualified (and the value of those things) is debatable.

However…

The main personal application of intelligence is rationally taking in information, and using it to make good decisions. “Good” could mean effective, efficient, safe, conducive to your goals, etc.

While all activities have risks, the kinds and levels of risks (versus rewards) are a large part making good decisions. Considering environment, context, and other people (attitudes/behaviours/authority-abuses, etc), are also important.

For a brief period as a young adult (without any formal “qualifications”) I had an employer with a somewhat micro-managing appearance policy. This included seemingly sexist things like hair length for men, and that only women were allowed earrings (one per ear, 2.5 cm maximum size). As you might expect, it also stated, “No visible tattoos”.

The logic of this wasn’t necessarily a small-minded or bigoted employer. Rather, it was the reality of a high-volume, “family-friendly” business, with public-facing employees who needed to be acceptable to a very wide range of the public.

On my side, it was the reality that, I desperately needed a job to keep a roof over my head.

The smart thing to do there was, obviously, not to get any tattoos. And to understand that, in the future (no matter how intelligent I allegedly am, or how qualified I may become), I might need to resort to such a job again.

Another concern is dealings with legal systems. Even if you are an innocent, law-abiding complainant, police and criminal court personnel may be biased. That may also occur in civil matters. Add on airport security and immigration staff. Bias by any of these people can be quite dangerous.

Applying for a bank loan? Or an apartment? There is that bias again.

Tattoos may have different styles.

Visible tattoos are, by definition, publicly visible. One might think, “Why would I want/need for random strangers to see this, or perceive the statement it expresses? Why should random strangers care? How am I going to benefit from it?”

A small flower or a chemical structure is different to a highly sexual portrait or a violent scene.

“Peace And Love” written in small lettering on one’s wrist is different to, “Gangsta 4 Eva” in large lettering across one’s forehead.

Some of it is a matter of distraction level (i.e. someone is staring at the tattoo instead of listening to what you are saying). And some of it is the emotional nature of that distraction.

Lastly, there is technical point. There are objective physical risks with tattoos, both with the procedures, and with the inks. An application of intelligence would be to learn about those risks, as part of the decision-making process.

It is somewhat more complicated than simply dividing people into “intelligent-or-not”, and “tattoos-or-not”.

Personally, I don’t have any tattoos or unusual piercings, and my hair is its natural colour. This is one part of a generally simple aesthetic sense. But it is also about the social context, since, “expressing yourself” generally means that you have some kind of audience.

If I want to express myself, it is with words and behaviour, and I definitely try to keep in mind other people’s biases and interpretations.

The only kind of tattoo that I would consider would be if I developed certain conditions (serious allergy, cardiovascular issues, brain transplant, etc) that would be relevant in the event of needing emergency medical attention while unconcious.

Even if I value the, “Don’t judge a book by its cover” cliche, I understand that, many many people will judge others in a manner that is different to my judgement process. Also, I may consider whether a person in front of me has faced up to that contextual reality.

While there may be some mindless, petty biases, there is also a legitimate point of wanting to examine someone’s general decision-making process.

What does a narcissist mean by, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”?

Updated May 21

This sounds like something they would say after you had just talked about the negative impact that their behaviour has had on you.

To some extent, it is a deflection, to avoid engaging the specifics of what you had just said. But it is mainly a part of the relentless manipulation and gaslighting.

What they really mean is…

“It is unfortunate that you are so dysfunctional, deluded, immature, irrational, unstable, and ungrateful with your failure to appreciate the wonderful way in which I have treated you”.

Trying to understand or analyse one of these people is only useful to the point where you can recognise the presence of their personality disorder. After that point, it just becomes a waste of time and energy.

At that point, the bottom line is to just disengage. If you feel you have to interact in a workplace, then disengage emotionally. If they are only in your personal life, I recommend disengaging entirely.

The main lasting value of analysing these kinds of statements is so that you can recognise the next personality disordered person that you meet in the future.

What examples of the Dunning-Kruger effect have you observed in people?

Updated May 25

I have personally encountered people…

  1. Being dependent (emotionally, financially, life-skills, etc) while lacking insight that there are other people who take care of themselves. This includes assuming that everybody has the Bank Of Mommy And Daddy, or that everybody has a breadwinning husband.
  2. Becoming surprised and offended to find themselves struggling with an assessment for basic literacy and numeracy levels.
  3. Doing bad behaviour in education. Blaming teachers in order to evade responsibility for poor grades. Disrupting classrooms by loudly talking and socialising. And thinking that that is how good, successful students would behave.
  4. Lacking insight into their compulsive telephone use, and its impact.
  5. Lacking the skill to physically navigate themselves to unfamiliar locations (i.e. use a map) and failing to understand that, some other people do possess that skill. There is also a psychological aptitude and fear issue with this.
  6. Lacking financial skills, knowledge, and discipline, including on basic concepts such as placing money aside in savings. While assuming themselves to be competent and knowledgeable.
  7. Believing that they were more knowledgeable about the legal system (e.g. civil lawsuits, employment laws, etc) than they really were.
  8. Believing that their job involved a higher skill level than it really did.
  9. Believing that they understood employment situations in general better than they really did (e.g. believing that employers pay for physical presence, regardless of how little work gets done).
  10. Receiving all of their informational world-view from the television, and failing to understand why that is bad idea. They also believe that watching television is a basic necessity of life, or even the only possible evening activity. They never heard of anyone voluntarily choosing to read books, newspapers, etc.
  11. Believing that they were highly skilled at impressing people on a social acquaintance/friend level. Proudly boasting about cool they are, and all the cool things they are “going to” do, while making excuses for why they aren’t actually doing those things now. Complaining incessantly. Asking intrusive questions immediately upon meeting. Bullying and insulting people immediately upon meeting. Behaving in a condescending manner. Etc, etc. While expecting generally positive social results.
  12. Believing that they were highly competent with lying, manipulation, obtaining/extorting resources, etc, etc, in abusive “friendships”. And being surprised at repeated abandonment.
  13. Believing that they were highly skilled in sexual relationships (both the sex itself, and also the general way that they treated their partners). This belief continued despite getting dumped by a series of partners.
  14. Failing to understand how incompetent they are in terms of contraception and disease-avoidance.
  15. Believing that they possessed high competence/potential for doing criminal offenses. This belief continued despite having multiple arrests, zero significant rewards, and being repeatedly abandoned on an acquaintance/friend level.
  16. Believing that the amount of skills, information, and experience in their little head is the same as the amount of skills, information, and experience in the entire world.