Why would universal healthcare stop people from still paying for private insurance if they wanted “better” healthcare? (USA)?

Answered Mar 6, 2019

It wouldn’t stop people from buying private insurance.

Here in New Zealand, every citizen and permanent resident can access the public health system. This means that, you can see a specialist, or have procedures, at a public hospital, without paying.

Note that word, “specialist”. If you just go to your regular GP for something minor, or for maintenance medication (blood pressure, etc), there is a fee (although it is subsidised).

One issue that can be either acute or chronic is medications that aren’t fully covered by Pharmac (the NZ government drug subsidy agency). This can include lifetime maintenance medications, with a three-monthly cost that is significantly higher than the basic $5 fee for fully-covered items. And can also include things like astronomically expensive cancer drugs.

Another big problem is waiting lists. Someone with whom I was acquainted had a choice of either paying $290 for a scan the next day privately, or waiting 3 months for “free” examination at a public hospital. Having no money, and no insurance, she waited, and her condition got worse.

Another person with whom I was acquainted spent over a year on a waiting list for a surgery that really improved her life. I suspect that she may have actually been kicked off the waiting list, and been re-added manually by her doctor. The government likes to kick people off, and tell them that they aren’t sick enough, so to make the waiting lists look shorter and more efficient.

There have been cases of, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease”, where it was necessary for patients to personally start hassling their District Health Board, in order to avoid just being lost in the system.

Some people seem to think this is about having some kind of luxury hotel suite. But this is also about getting serious health problems dealt with in a decent timeframe, before they deteriorate, and threaten the person’s lifespan.

What do I do to make a guy in his early twenties understand consent?

Answered Jan 8, 2019

Here is one of the most important life lessons I’ve had.

If an adult, of any age, male or female, doesn’t understand or respect consent by the time I meet them, they are never going to do so. And there is absolutely nothing that I can say or do to teach them.

If an adult, of any age, male or female, doesn’t understand that, bad behaviour leads to bad consequences, by the time I meet them, they are never going to do so. And I cannot teach them, even by imposing those consequences.

I’ve also learned that, it doesn’t really matter whether the person can or cannot “understand” consent. What matters is that they don’t care.

In looking back on certain interactions, I would find myself saying things like:

  • Sometimes, you are going to want something, and my answer will be “no”, and you will just have to accept that.
  • I have the right to say “no”, and other people have the right to say “no” to you. I, and they, aren’t victimising you, just because you feel disappointed, hurt, or angry.
  • Sometimes, you are going to want something, and you will have to wait for it, rather than expecting immediate compliance.
  • Complying with a demand in the past is not a promise to comply with that same (or any other) demand in the future. Each time you want something, you will need to separately ask (not demand). With the understanding that, this particular request might be denied.
  • Different behaviours will lead to different consequences. Coercive and abusive behaviour will lead to consequences that you don’t like.
  • I have repeatedly, consistently, clearly, and firmly said “no” to this demand. Why are are treating me exactly as if I said “yes”?
  • I don’t see the situation the same as you see it. And I don’t view the “rules” of relationships/friendships the same as you view them.
  • Your belief that you “need” something, or the fact that you fantasized about me giving/doing/tolerating doesn’t create any kind of promise by me, or obligation.
  • My money, physical possessions, physical body, and time belong to me, not you.
  • The fact that you “can’t” control your behaviour, doesn’t require me to stick around and tolerate it. My rules, limits, and boundaries don’t magically disappear just because you “can’t” respect them.
  • Telling me that my boundaries are dysfunctional doesn’t constitute an entitlement to violate them.
  • My primary responsibility doesn’t revolve around complying with your demands. My primary responsibility is take care of my own needs, including my own financial self-support, and my own physical safety. That includes the responsibility to stay away from parasites and abusers. Because allowing some people into my life is like deliberately getting into a cage with a large, rabid animal.
  • The subject of this conversation is consent. And how you behave when I say “no” to you. This conversation is not about pestering or gaslighting me into saying “yes”.
  • You need to accept the limits and boundaries I set for what I will give/do/tolerate. And if you can’t or won’t, then the limits and boundaries will become even more restrictive, up to ceasing all contact. Accept what is offered, or you will get nothing at all from me.
  • I don’t have to be in this relationship/friendship. I have the right and the ability to abandon you at any time, for any reason. Such as if you don’t start respecting my boundaries. Or even just because I don’t feel like interacting with you anymore. This is a unilateral decision to be made by me, and doesn’t require your permission.

The fact that I was in a position to even say those things to a series of adults was a huge red flag. And none of it ever worked, or led to any of them understanding anything.

Sexual consent is a very high-stakes situation. Many, many people have been guilt-tripped, gaslighted, and coerced into sex acts that they didn’t want, in the context of a relationship. Many, many people have been violently raped in the context of a relationship. This guy is waving a huge red flag of an impending assault.

A related category of red flags is the general disrespect of you making your own decisions. Including things like micromanaging your appearance. That is an early sign of serious control issues that can gradually escalate to sexual coercion and violence. I want to emphasise that, you need to take all of his red flags, and all of his arrogance and entitlement and imaginary “rules” very, very seriously.

After he rapes you, there will be nothing that you can say or do to teach him that he did something wrong. And for you, it will already be too late, because it will already have happened. And no amount of arguing will erase the permanent impact upon you.

There are people sitting in prison for rape and other violence, who still refuse to comprehend, and who see themselves as innocent victims of the situation. They still believe that they were just exercising their “right” to do whatever they want, and have zero consideration for their victims.

When getting into a new relationship, or a new platonic friendship, it is vitally important to see how the person responds to being told “no”. You cannot confidently predict this until it happens. Things might seem to be proceeding OK for weeks, as long as you have been consistently saying “yes”. And then, you come to your first refusal (e.g. “No sex tonight, because it’s late and I’m physically too tired to do it”). Or they demand a new sex act that you don’t want. And that may be the turning point when you suddenly find out their attitude about consent.

But also look for a “no” situation that doesn’t involve sex. And do so before getting sexually involved.

People of all ages, and both men and women, can totally disrespect consent. I once knew a middle-aged female who believed that she was entitled to sex on demand from female partners. She sexually assaulted at least one, and probably more, and was completely unaware that she had done anything wrong. And couldn’t even imagine anyone dumping her to prevent a repeat.

She had two views about people saying “no” to her. One was that, the person had a “hangup”, and just wouldn’t admit to secretly wanting it. The other was that, people refused because they were too stupid to understand how much fun sex in general (or particular sex acts) would be. And that, pestering, gaslighting, arguing, and eventually using physical force was either giving them what they “really” wanted, or would be justified because they would learn that they enjoy the experience.

Nothing that anyone said or did ever got through to her. She burned through relationship after relationship after relationship (or really, more like a series of “booty-call” situations). With zero ability to learn from consequences, zero inclination to honestly examine her attitudes, and zero interest in changing her behaviour. She was convinced that, everyone who said “no”, or who set boundaries, or who dumped her, was dysfunctional. And that they refused to appreciate what a great partner she was.

Like your boyfriend, she believed that, anyone saying “no” to her was an act of abuse. And a violation of the rules and promises that supposedly come with entering a relationship. She believed that, if you don’t want to be assaulted, the burden is on you to say “yes” to literally any demand.

I disagree with the suggestions of game-playing (forcing him to eat, proposing the strap-on, etc). That makes it seem like some kind of negotiation, or mutual disrespect, or fight over the subject. He very likely is completely clear about his own right to say “no” and to enforce it. Because his wants and entitlements are central to his experience of the relationship, while viewing you as existing to serve him, and give him anything and everything he demands, without limits.

I also disagree with the comment about violence (i.e. stating the intent to kill them if they try to assault you). I’ve encountered people who will completely tune out that statement, and act like they didn’t even hear it.

Many, many people view sexual relationships, or platonic friendships as a one-way deal. They are here to take, and you are here to give.

Like your boyfriend, they are adamant that, relationships and friendships have universal, obvious “rules” that you have agreed to obey, simply by getting involved. Common relationship/friendship “rules” are that:

  • You never have the right to say “no” to them. About anything.
  • You don’t have the right to set any requirements, demands, or standards of your own.
  • You don’t have the right to impose any negative consequences for their abusive behaviour.
  • You don’t have the right to ever abandon them. Or even to have any restricted availability when they demand attention.

Naturally, those rules only apply to you, and not them.

Disrespect of consent applies to many things besides sex. That’s the problem with the “cup of tea” video, which I’ve seen before. I don’t believe for one second that that video (or similar approaches) will teach these people anything.

I have received severe disrespect of my right to say “no” to all of the following:

  • Being platonic “friends” with openly abusive individuals who contribute nothing but aggravation.
  • Buying into someone’s mindless grudge against a third party.
  • Handing over cash money, any time, any amount, for any purpose.
  • Allowing someone to live rent-free in my home.
  • Being people’s free, on-demand, personal limousine.
  • Alternately, being expected to accept “offers” of being given a ride home from a social situation, getting into a car with some creepy guy I don’t know.
  • Enabling and paying for other people’s drug habits. Including committing serious crimes.
  • Being guaranteed available any time they call and want attention or a favour.
  • Living in a geographic area that I don’t want to live in. Including being told that I was obligated to spent the rest of my life in an impoverished, small-minded small town in the middle of nowhere.
  • Moving to a “nice” low-crime neighbourhood that I couldn’t afford.
  • Having ongoing contact with my abusive mother. Including being told that I “have to” live in the same town as her, or even under the same roof. While also being bullied to go around lying about what a wonderful parent she was.
  • Quitting a job, merely because the other person wouldn’t be capable/willing to do it. Or otherwise behaving badly at a job (e.g. refusing to get work done), merely because the other person would do so.
  • Remaining stuck in a minimum wage, bottom-of-the-barrel job for the rest of my working life.
  • Being told how I can and cannot spend my money.
  • Disclosing private information, such as exact income and other financial details.
  • Disclosing my physical home address to people I just met.
  • Being treated like I should have dropped out of university, without finishing a degree, merely because the other person didn’t feel capable, and wouldn’t even attempt it.
  • Being told “you will continue to attend a low-quality, unprofessional, abusive institution that I call Low Rent Polytechnic, at which I had already had a very negative experience (described in another of my answers). Including signing up for remedial courses that I didn’t need, wouldn’t benefit from, surrounded by morons, while running up a huge loan. Just because said polytechnic was desperate for students who were actually capable of passing academically. (I headed straight to a far better institution).
  • Being told that I didn’t have the right to resist (or even complain about) open, physically threatening sexual harassment, which occurred at the aforementioned polytechnic.
  • Being told that I “have to” own and watch a television, merely because somebody else can’t think of any other leisure activities.
  • Having an acquaintance dictate what kind of clothing I am allowed to wear.
  • Personal space invasions, including physical touching without my consent, by people I barely know.
  • Generally being married or partnered, including claims that I “have to”do so, even if it isn’t with the person disrespecting my consent.
  • Having children that I don’t want, and cannot afford to support.
  • Being told to completely remove myself from society, merely because some acquaintance has a massive envy problem.
  • Being told to kill myself, merely because some acquaintance has a massive envy problem. And that wasn’t just one person who did that.
  • Having an acquaintance dictate what kind of medical care I may access, involving my body and my money.

Numerous people seriously expected me to slavishly comply with those bizarre, abusive demands. I’ve had people make demands that would have obviously had disastrous consequences if I had obeyed, with zero chance of benefit to anyone. Things that weren’t at all compatible with real-world adult functioning. All the way to things that were physically impossible. I’ve had people make some of those demands in the first conversation upon meeting.

Some people lock onto a demand, and just keep repeating it over and over and over. With escalating condescension, indignation, and agitation. Thinking that, they will wear you down, and exhaust your supply of “no”, until just cave in to get the argument to stop. Some will directly tell you that they intend to relentlessly pester you on and on until you comply.

Disrespect of consent can extend to every area of life, where you are making your own choices. Many, many people have absolutely no limit to their senses of entitlement to make demands and coerce others.

It isn’t just one type of person, or one type of demand, or one type of context. It’s absolutely pervasive. And they will never, ever learn to respect your boundaries or consent, regardless of what you say or do. Which is the problem with the “cup of tea” video, and similar approaches.

Have you ever heard the two big rules for training a dog not to do some bad behaviour? You need to impose the punishment the first time, and every time. The same principle applies to most humans. If you ever cave into a coercive event (e.g. continuing to demand sex after you have said “no”), he will learn that coercion works. And he will continue, and will escalate.

By remaining in the relationship, and arguing, and fantasising about helping him to “understand consent”, you are failing to impose any real consequences, or enforce any real boundaries. The more crap you tolerate, the more crap you will receive. He interprets you staying and engaging his crap as confirming that you can’t ever leave. He interprets each argument as making progress towards his goal. Or as you failing to face the inevitability of doing what he demands. And he thinks that, it is just a matter of time before you cave in, and lose the will, or even the ability, to ever say “no” to him again.

Black-and-white thinkers require black-and-white solutions. The only workable solution is to just physically get away from the person. Refuse all further contact. Any communication will revolve around trying to get you involved again, so he can abuse you some more, and repeat his demands.

The best case scenario with dumping him is a sense of great relief, and the perspective to see how bad he is, and the empowerment of asserting your right to boundaries and consent. The worst case scenario with dumping him is that you will be single while looking for a replacement who respects you, and who is already a decent adult without needing to be taught.

The best case scenario with staying is more conflict, arguments, and disrespect, until you get so sick and tired that you then dump him. The worst case scenario with staying is a devastating act of violence which will seriously harm you for the rest of your life. Many, many women have been raped, beaten, and/or killed by guys with this attitude. And neither you nor he are special or exempt from that possibility.

How crazy is your mother?

Answered Jan 2, 1019

Everyone who actually has met my mother views her as a dangerous, mindlessly hateful sociopath.

Everyone who hasn’t met her projects their mommy-worship fantasies, and assume her to be a wonderful person. I have been persistently called a liar after describing her actual behaviour.

The most charitable interpretation of my mother is that she has stroke induced brain damage. Which causes a total lack of empathy, unprovoked rage, violence, and unrealistic expectations.

She had at least two known strokes before the age of thirty. And around age fifty, got her head scanned, and was found to have more lesions, where the brain tissue had died.

She knows that she has had multiple strokes, but has directly denied having brain damage.

She ought to have been forceably confined to a secure facility, and never released. I wouldn’t care if it was a psych ward or a prison. But she was never held accountable for any of her actions. And instead, was enabled to raise and abuse three children.

She also had very poor decision-making. As I’ve described in one of my other answers, she expected all of her children to continue living with her, after we were adults. And expected for none of us to ever be employed. And expected my father to continue sending her most of his income for the rest of her life. So effectively child support for children who were actually adults.

She also tried to gaslight me with the idea that I was severely mentally retarded, and that I lacked the minimal intelligence to ever work or live independently. I never believed this, but she persisted for years.

She has directly admitted to having criminally abused all of her children. But also refused to comprehend why anyone might form a negative opinion about this. And has also attempted to minimise or deny the severity of her behaviour. While admitting that she doesn’t remember large portions of her life.

Her level of violence had a risk of going all the way to homicide.

She has basically admitted to lacking any empathy for other human beings. And lacking any insight on the impact of chronic violence, and chronic psychological abuse.

She had a lot of violent fantasies, and loved hyper-violent war themed movies, which she would watch over and over. And would boast that her career aspiration was be employed as a mercenary soldier, because killing people would be fun. She would say this seriously, as if it were a perfectly viable and reasonable plan, and never admitted that it was just a fantasy.

She loved threatening to actually kill her children.

When I was thirteen, a neighbour tipped off the authorities, who started an abuse investigation. They were going to start sending a social worker to our home for periodic monitoring visits. She responded by grabbing all of us children, and moving to another part of the country, and even attempted to leave before my father got home from work that day. She also suggested that she was considering falsely accusing my father of molesting my sister, in order to justify running.

When I was a bit older, my sister started acting out by frequently hitting me, just because she was in a bad mood, and had learned by example. My mother told me that I was expected to tolerate it. My mentally ill brother put me in serious fear for my safety, and it was clear that my mother believed it would be perfectly acceptable if he assaulted me. A solid majority of women utterly fail to comprehend why I removed myself from that situation at eighteen.

She seriously believed that she could continue physically abusing all of her children after we were adults, and that we would just tolerate it. She toned it down somewhat after the legal investigation, and also when she noticed that my brother and I were physically bigger than her, but she never completely stopped hitting.

One time, when i was seventeen, I was driving (because she couldn’t drive), and she waved her hand in my face, just barely stopping short of repeatedly slapping me. While the car was moving, in traffic. So I had to explain to her that this was dangerous, and that she could find herself dealing with other adults if she caused a crash. She actually offered to sit in the back seat, basically acknowledging that she didn’t feel that she could control herself if I was within reach.

She has directly stated the intent to criminally abuse my sister’s children. My idiot sister still has contact with her, but set a strict rule on her kids to never be in a room alone with my mother.

While working in a rest home, she criminally abused one of the elderly residents, but managed to get away with it. And she didn’t even bother to deny this when I confronted her about it.

Both my father and my sister concur with my view that, my mother’s physical and psychological abuse was the main cause of my brother’s suicide.

If I were ever in the same room with her again, she would very possibly physically attack me.

Years ago, I spoke with my uncle (i.e. my mother’s bother), and he stated that, my mother was hateful, and prone to unprovoked violence, even when she was a child. She was born evil.

The last I heard (around 2005), my mother had the idea that I was tapping her telephone to spy on her. And she told my sister that, if I ever come anywhere near her, she will call the police, with whatever criminal accusation she can come up with, to try to cause me to be arrested/charged/incarcerated.

The entire female half of society still treats me like I am the bad person for daring to cut the umbilical cord. About fifty percent will deny that any mother would ever behave like she did. And the other fifty percent will blame me, and tell me that I caused and deserved it. I jettisoned the abusive mother many years ago, but I still have to live with the abusive society (or, again, just the female half). I’ve been told that I don’t have the right or even the ability to stay away from her.

As I said at the start of this answer, the only people who comprehend are those who have actually met my mother. And absolutely none of them want anything to do with her, either.

What are some of the dark sides of living in New Zealand?

Answered Dec 26, 2018

I’ll preface this by mentioning that, I lived for several years in Los Angeles in the 90s, so I know what an actual developed-country-hellhole is like. And will try to avoid comparisons, and just talk about New Zealand by itself.

In no particular order:

  • Domestic / relationship violence. Involving current, estranged, and former spouses and partners.
  • Child abuse, including violent abuse, sexual abuse, multiple-offender abuse, and homicides.
  • Poor people making more children that they are not prepared (financially or psychologically/behaviourally) to raise properly (see previous item).
  • Mass binge drinking culture. With the accompanying addiction, automobile crashes, violence, health hazards, etc.
  • A significant obesity problem.
  • A significant amount of amphetamine use.
  • Synthetic cannabis substitutes which are more hazardous than the real thing.
  • Criminal gangs sucking in already disadvantaged/impoverished young people, and financed by the aforementioned drugs.
  • Gambling, including the weekly lottery, and also high-velocity “pokie” machines.
  • Suicide. But let’s sweep that under the carpet with a law that prohibits news media from using that word in articles on that sudden death of a young person, without any medical description, and without any crime suspected (hint, hint).
  • Sexual harassment, and cavalier attitudes towards it, in both educational and employment contexts.
  • Economic disparities intertwined with racial/ethnic disparities.
  • An entrenched Treaty grievance industry.
  • Racism.
  • Anti-immigrant attitudes. Which will even be directed towards white, English-speaking immigrants.
  • Clean and green is an advertising slogan. Our level of farming is rather harsh on the environment.
  • Overpriced housing.
  • While the public health system is better than many places, there are serious problems with waiting lists for specialists/hospitals/scans/procedures.
  • Mass problems with public primary and secondary schools.
  • Mass problems with low literacy and numeracy skills.
  • And, of course, everyone’s favourite…
  • Tall Poppy Syndrome. There is something desperately wrong with a society where I, of all people, have been the target of this, repeatedly. And I barely even consider myself to be a functioning adult.

Why do some people say that New Zealand doesn’t have the capacity to be self-sufficient when ends_abruptl on reddit said that New Zealand is self-sufficient in all areas apart from non-essential medicines?

Answered Dec 25, 2018

New Zealand is dependent on other countries in two directions.

Automobiles, trucks, and construction and farming vehicles are imported. Along with petroleum to run them. There isn’t sufficient domestic oil production, although there is a large offshore natural gas field.

Wellington’s newest fleet of commuter trains was built in South Korea. The old fleet was built in Hungary. The new double-decker buses were built in China. Auckland’s newest commuter trains were built in Spain.

Electronic items, ranging from mobile phones to hospital equipment are imported.

Pharmaceuticals are imported. And any of them is “essential” to the people whose quality/quantity of life depends on them.

Sure, we could produce all of the food we need, plus more.

That is the other direction of dependence. This country is very heavily oriented to exporting food, particularly dairy and beef. We need the income from this, and therefore, are dependent on other countries as customers.

One of our greatest vulnerability points is the risk of a food production problem.

There was a serious incident a few years ago, involving allegations of botulinum toxin contaminated milk powder being sold to China. That cost a pile of money, and damaged the country’s reputation, even though it apparently turned out to be a false alarm.

If anyone ever finds even a single case of Bovine spongiform encephalopathy (mad cow disease), whole countries may refuse to accept any more beef exports, for an extended time period. The economic impact of even an accusation would be very serious.

There is a problem right now with Mycoplasma bovis (not found here previously), and a mass-culling of dairy cows. The national impact is about reduced production of milk powder for export.

If other countries don’t want to buy our food, we can’t buy their oil, cars, equipment, phones and other consumer goods, etc.

New Zealand is also heavily dependent on other countries to send us tourists bringing cash into the country.

New Zealand educational institutions (of highly variable level and quality) are also heavily dependent on other countries sending us students (who are effectively viewed as tourists).

Why is Auckland a bigger population centre than Wellington?

Answered Dec 25, 2018

The terrain issues (flat vs. hilly) are certainly a big factor. It’s difficult to spread out horizontally in Wellington.

It’s also difficult to spread out vertically. The earthquake risk in Wellington dissuades the construction of high-rise apartment buildings like you can see in Auckland.

I would also suggest a social factor. A critical mass of immigrants. One person immigrates, and settles in a large city. After gaining citizenship, they then sponsor multiple relatives to also come over, and settle in the same local area.

Prospective immigrants from certain countries (China, India, Pacific Islands) may only have really heard of Auckland, and know that there are already large populations of immigrants from their same origin.

There are also certain cultural/ethnic/family issues, based on those origins.

According to the 2013 census, Pacific people have significantly more children than any other ethnic group. So, when you already have a lot of Pacific immigrants settling in one area (i.e. Auckland) they will then drive up the local population further with their high childbirth rate. And their NZ-born children and grandchildren will grow up, and likely continue that high childbirth rate.

Another issue could be the willingness/inclination of certain cultures (already present in Auckland) to have multi-generational households and extended family members crammed into the same run-down, overcrowded house. So they can tolerate an area with a housing shortage and high rents, without being financially driven out of the city.

The higher opportunity level and dynamic atmosphere of “the big city” may also attract people who already live in some other part of New Zealand. And, since Auckland is already the the biggest city, it may be first on the list of choices for many people.

My guess is that, Wellington will eventually become much larger (physically and in population), with a “supercity” extending the official city limits to swallow the areas up to Kapiti, Johnsonville, and Upper and Lower Hutt.

I’ve lived in Wellington previously, but am generally inclined to go to new places (Palmy is the the fifth [and smallest] city that I’ve lived in as an adult).

If I can line up a job there, I would move to Auckland without hesitation. (Yes, I know housing is expensive, but I have low standards).

Why do we need to register gender at all? If we erased the information from official records, what inconvenience would it incur?

Updated Dec 21

If you look for sexist discrimination in work or education, then you need to sort the people in this way.

There are disparities in employment issues which are not only income, but also number of hours worked per week, and injury/fatality rates, which are worse for men.

If you look for sexist disparities in legal proceedings, then you need to sort defendants or litigants in this way.

Crime data needs this sorting, to understand patterns of perpetrators, victims, and risks. This includes female perpetrators and male victims.

Insurance companies consider sex when estimating the risk of automobile crashes.

Understanding suicide needs to consider the higher rates for males.

If you look for disease patterns (such as understanding risk levels), you need to sort patients in this way. The last official-sex-based event I had was a reminder to have a mammogram (which was also based on age).

Some other medical issues are based on anatomy and/or physiology and/or biochemistry. This includes different blood test reference ranges. A testing lab will include a either a male or a female reference range with the results, to highlight anything out of that range. These are overly simplistic, though, since there can also be differences based on age and weight.

Transsexual people using hormone therapy need to be considered a special case. This is a medical issue, and has nothing to do with social statements, or special snowflakes, or “erasing” other demographics. The details belong in private medical records, and not on publicly-used identification. Some people are currently promoting a lie claiming an alleged risk of severely distorting government and other type statistics. With the implication that the number of people in this category is much larger than it actually is.

New Zealand driving licenses don’t have a sex/gender marker. Although I’m guessing that it is coded into the serial number, and also would come up in an ID check during a police encounter.

My old California license had a sex marker, But didn’t help me to evade any citations. Even that one time I cried, boo hoo hoo.

My passport lists sex. However, that could be omitted, and my physical appearance and stereotypically female name would kind of give a clue. And of course, I match the photograph. Plus, I seem to recall that, there is a fingerprint image in the computer chip embedded in it. Any situation of confirming who I am would proceed just fine whether the little “F” were there or not.

The only problem is for people who have a mismatch. And society in general doesn’t care about any negative consequences for them.

What is it like to have an abusive mother?

Updated Dec 22

I have an abusive society, which bullies me with their delusion that mothers are all saintly, innocent widdle creatures.

The abusive mother was jettisoned decades ago. The abusive society will always, always, always try to shove its delusional denial and victim-blaming down my throat.

What the abusive society has taught me is that, my moral standing is magically unrelated to any of my own actions. Because only an eeeevvvile sack of excrement would either:

  • Lie, and falsely accuse poor widdle Mommy of being violent.
  • Accurately describe poor widdle Mommy’s violence, but actively, deliberately caused her to behave in that manner, against her will.
  • Be born to an abuser (i.e. one’s morality and violence-deserving is determined before being conceived).

You can grow up and get away from the abusive mother. But you cannot escape the abusive society.

Anyone who didn’t/doesn’t have an abusive mother, lives in a fantasy world, which entitles them to be a participant in the abusive society.

If you could solve any criminal cold case, which would it be and why?

Answered Dec 17

A famous case in New Zealand is the Mona Blades disappearance. Presumed dead, from either some serial killer, as alleged “punishment” for naughty behaviour, like hitchhiking, or by gang members whom she knew.

The other is the Tamam Shud case, also known as the Mystery of the Somerton Man, who died in the 1940s, in Australia.

Why are immigrants leaving New Zealand?

Updated Nov 24

Someone who was psychologically and practically equipped to move to a new country, may also be psychologically and practically equipped to move again. Also, some people deliberately use NZ as a “back door” to their real destination, Australia, which has greater economic and social opportunities.

However, a big reason could be the incredibly negative social attitudes towards immigrants.

I know I harp on this, but there is a big difference between men and women.

Men say stupid things, like:

“Do you ever think about going back?”

“Huh, huh, huh, I bet you wish you were back there!”

And then they get disappointed if you tell them that you actually have control over your location.

Women are much, much worse.

“You have an accent! Where are you from? Why are you here! You owe me an explanation!”


Most women in this country take one of exactly two attitudes:

  1. You had better confirm that you are being forced to live in your current location, without any choice. And that you are stuck in the same suburb for the rest of your life.
  2. You had better confirm that you will “go back where you came from”, without any choice. Not just the country, but a town where you lived as a child. Because it is very important to be as small-minded as possible, and to have zero adult control.

It really is that micromanaging. A lot of women get personally offended at the idea that someone could even just relocate to a new city, inside the same country. This also relates to many, many women’s locations being based on an emotional umbilical cord to their mothers, and/or a financial umbilical cord to their breadwinning husband. They totally resent women who assert basic adult independence.

Did I mention the, “You have an accent!” harassment with virtually every woman you meet? Some of them expect you to be impressed by their amazing perceptiveness. Some of them act like they have never met a foreign-born person before.

There are women who will start up a rapid-fire interrogation. Where they reveal nothing about themselves (not even their name). While demanding details about a foreign-born person’s legal/governmental status, work and finances (including taxes), and the arrogantly intrusive, “Why did you come here, so I can decide if your reason satisfies me”. Try working with the public, and total strangers will do this.

Let’s not forget the mass racism. If an immigrant is white/European looking, some people will assume that they automatically share the common bias against Asian people.

A lot of the condescension and hostility towards immigrants is really about tall poppy syndrome, and the resentment of anyone who got off the couch and did anything interesting with their life.

Some women get an indignant, “I never get to go anywhere I want!” attitude, as if the immigrant is perpetrating some kind of personal unfairness against them.

No matter how long an immigrant has lived here, there is an automatic assumption that they are really just on vacation. With confusion and resentment about how someone could be on vacation for years and years.

Generally, the only relief is in more educated situations, such as university environments, which contain many foreign-born people.

Speaking of which, there are people who will direct the, “you have to go back where you can from” attitude towards an immigrant with higher education in a STEM field, including a degree that was heavily subsidised by NZ taxpayers. It’s like they actually think that the “brain drain” is somehow going to help the country.

Some will automatically assume that, a foreign-born university student is here on a student visa which will expire upon graduation (or maybe better yet, dropping out). If she corrects this, and states that she is a permanent resident, some still don’t seem to comprehend the difference, and keep pushing.

I once encountered an induhvidual who claimed that, no employer in NZ will ever hire an immigrant, or even someone who merely moved to a new city within the country. The logic being that, all immigrants “go back where they came from”(to a specific town) for emotional reasons. So there isn’t any point in hiring someone who will be doing that real soon now. However, this is combined with the idea of job discrimination being used to force immigrants to leave. So it’s a circular logic.

I have encountered women who will demand to know if an immigrant’s mother lives in New Zealand, and get offended and demand an explanation if the answer is “no”. One directly stated the intent to harass a middle-aged coworker, every single day, to go home to her mommy.

I have encountered a woman who was a small-time landlord’s wife, and who suggested that, a paying, civilised tenant should move out and go back where they came from.

An OK country. But many, many stupid, small-minded people. And that includes in larger cities, like Wellington.