Society – Quora Archive

Would it be ridiculous to illegalize 18 just because 18-year-olds aren’t mentally matured or experienced enough?

Answered Oct 24

At 18, I voluntarily recognised that I needed to work and take care of myself.

Against my idiot mother’s ideas, I moved about a thousand kilometers to stay with my father. Entirely to be in a geographic area with much better job prospects. I slept on his living room floor.

I struggled and got a job in a factory, with physical labour for US$3.35 an hour (minimum wage at the time). Put a few paycheques in the bank.

My father had a major career change, and was about to move to another city. I said that, it was time to be an adult, waived by-by, and got my first apartment. Paid for by me, with my money, that I earned by working at an adult job.

A month later, I moved a longer distance, to a large, aggressive city where I knew nobody. Got a room and a job and proceeded into adulthood.

I was still just 18 at that time.

With the level of coddling and support systems that some people have, I could easily have done that at 15 or 16, depending on legal eligibility.

I am acquainted with someone who actually did start working and supporting herself without a good support system, when she was 15, and who is one of the coolest people I’ve ever known. She was somewhat older when I first met her, but still comes across as more mature than average.

Functioning young adults (at 18 or whatever age) should never be legally or socially disadvantaged, just because somebody else lacked maturity.

I have actually witnessed attempts to raise “childhood” up to the age of 25, for things like medical consent, which is totally offensive and stupid.

There are 30-and-40-year-olds who lack the maturity and experience that I had as a teenager. Would you propose that those people be used to set the bar of adulthood to be past their age?

Does female privilege exist?

Answered Oct 24

Yes, and it can even be used against other females.

The first thing that comes to mind is violence. I have actually heard the following:

“I’ve heard of men beating their children, but I’ve never heard of a woman doing that, so you are lying”.
“If you said that your father beat you, I would automatically believe that. But, since you say your mother beat you, then you are lying”.
“If you think that your mother beat you, then you are dangerous and need to check into a mental hospital, and don’t come out until you have learned that women never do that!”
“You’re going to tell me what you did to make your poor, innocent mother beat you!”
“No male should ever hit a female, because males are all larger and stronger than females”. (Gets really quiet and nervous when asked why it shouldn’t just be “Nobody should ever initiate violence against anyone”, or when asked about a 30-year-old female vs. a 5-year-old male).
A woman who beats her children is actually the innocent victim of a mental illness, while a man who beats his wife is a fully responsible thug.
A woman who beats her small child is defending herself from aggression perpetrated by the child.

These things will be hurled at a female abuse survivor, so it is largely about Mommy-Privilege.

Between adults, many women have been trained to feel totally immune to receiving violence. Which can lead to a sense of entitlement to initiate physical aggression, without any fear of the other party defending themselves. This includes entitlement to initiate aggression against both men, and also against other women.

Some other angles:

A male schoolteacher who gets caught for having sex with an underage female student is viewed as a disgusting, predatory paedophile. While a female schoolteacher having sex with an underage male is viewed as showing him a good time, with lawyers, courts, and journalists making excuses, as Van Halen’s “Hot For Teacher” plays in the background.

Among adults, rape of females is a heinous crime, while rape of males is considered funny.

I have personally known females who directly stated that, false accusations of domestic violence would be a cool way of asserting power and extorting resources. Including false accusations against a platonic friend or acquaintance.

Some countries have policies of never prosecuting known false rape accusations, and false domestic violence accusations.

Most females refuse to care about such accusations, due to the naive assumption of being immune. In reality, all females need to learn about Haley Maxwell, and her false rape accusation which devastated the life of another female.

Child support payments are often ex-wife support payments. You won’t see many men using their kids as a meal ticket.

Alternately, use your kids as a meal ticket via the government welfare system.

Generally, popping out unplanned, impoverished children in a totally irresponsible manner gets you social Mommy Privilege, while a man who irresponsibly fathers children doesn’t get any corresponding privilege.

Use men as proxy weapons to threaten and abuse men, or other females. Including threats of, and actual physical violence.

Military conscription has never, and will never disadvantage females, while males are viewed as cannon fodder.

Workplace conditions, including rates of injury, disability, and fatality, are much worse for working class men.

Don’t feel like working at a job? Get a boyfriend or husband.

Don’t feel like being an independent adult? Feel free to keep living with your mommy and daddy, when you are in your late-20s, or even older, without any social stigma.

The idea that, being female entitles you to financially leech off of males can even extend to entitlement to leech off of other women, including in totally platonic situations. I have personally known individuals with this attitude.

If you desperately need a bottom-of-the-barrel job, females will be hired over males for caring for elderly and disabled people. I have worked in that field, and know what it is like, including the need for male staff. There is also a large difference in social perceptions of men vs. women in that field.

Female-dominated workplaces are bullying-dominated workplaces, with zero recourse for the targets.

Want to manipulate, lie, and/or evade consequences for bad behaviour? Turn on the tears, boo hoo hoo.

Domestically abuse, and even sexually assault another female, and she may be viciously called a liar if she ever dares to speak about it. Which is more common than the above-mentioned Maxwell case.

It helps if you are also white, middle-class, hetero-normative, cisgender, and non-immigrant, as you use your whiny little female privilege to savagely abuse other women and children, while pretending to be the victim.

Children most often killed by mothers

Psychiatry Online

Why don’t we ever talk about abusive mothers?

What do people that have never left their hometown think of the world?

Answered Oct 22

They tend to think that everyone is like themselves, and that everyplace is equivalent.

There is common idea that everyone just remains living in one place for their whole life, and that nobody ever changes where they live. If they hear that you have relocated, they may treat you like you are on a temporary, short-term vacation. And that you automatically “have to” to go back to where you “really” live.

People who lack basic relocation-related skills, like navigating an unfamiliar area with a street map, tend to project that skill deficit onto everyone else.

People who lack basic relocation-related aptitudes, like the psychological ability to handle unfamiliar environments, or to go someplace alone, tend to project that aptitude deficit onto everyone else.

People who feel tied to a location based on emotional and/or financial dependence upon someone else, project that dependence onto everyone else.

I have encountered people who couldn’t even handle going across town, insidethe local area, by themselves, and projected that onto everyone else.

They also lack understanding that there may be legitimate practical reasons for a person to relocate. Someone in the suburbs of a large city may fail to comprehend that, some locations have very poor opportunity levels (e.g. small, isolated, impoverished rural towns with severe unemployment and underemployment).

They tend to think that everywhere is basically the same, including foreign countries.

Some people will start up with this immediately upon meeting, and will try to make the entire conversation about projecting these things.

What is your opinion on Massey University banning Don Brash from speaking on any of their campuses?

Answered Sep 21

There is a distraction from the university’s real issues, and a couple of over-reactions.

First, while I don’t agree with some of Mr. Brash’s opinions, I also believe that expressions and debate (especially from people with public, economic, or governmental influence) should be out in the open. Even if someone is misogynistic or racist, there is a saying that, the best disinfectant is sunshine.

Second, there was allegedly a threat regarding security and safety. Probably from some stupid person, but the rest of the students and the staff should not have to tolerate that.

Third, most of these younger students (in their late teens or early 20s) probably have zero clue about politics, and don’t care, and haven’t heard about any alleged controversy. They may be nice people, but often not well informed at that stage of life.

Fourth, Massey has much more important issues with the current Vice-Chancellor which are larger scale than this, and which involve a financial “reorganisation”. This has concerned students and staff. There have been concerns raised on how people are treated, and how their jobs and academic work are threatened. There is concern of short-term financial numbers leading to long-term derailment.

This includes individuals whom I personally know and respect.

The Brash thing is irrelevant.

Is married privilege an actual thing (like male privilege)?

Answered Jun 30

Yes, absolutely.

Marriage functions as “social proof”. It is viewed as evidence that somebody (your spouse) considers you to have value. It could imply that you have money or status, or that you should be considered attractive. Or even just that you are a minimally decent human being. It also shows that you follow “the rules” of society.

Suspicion arises from the assumption that “everybody” wants a spouse or partner. And that a single person must be getting rejected for some horrible personal defects. Some people will openly try to figure out the specific defects.

When you are just starting adulthood (e.g. 18–25), people can reassure themselves that you “will” eventually act out the marriage-and-children script. But, as you get older (e.g. 30+) they may start figuring out that you might never comply.

People who cling to marriage or a relationship may feel insulted that you don’t validate them by doing the same.

They may feel stuck in an unhappy marriage or relationship, because the prospect of being single terrifies them. They may project a sort of “guilt by association” of fearing someone who is comfortably single.

Among women, there is a huge division between those who are financially dependent on a husband, vs those who fully support themselves.

This division may also include dependence on a husband’s skills, aptitudes, knowledge, experience, etc, in basic daily life, vs those who take care of themselves on this level.

On the other side, a man who feels burdened and exploited by his marriage (especially if there are children), may resent a single, childfree man.

There is a mass worship of “stability” and “settling down”, and the idea that the shackles of marriage and children are markers of responsible adulthood.

Many women bond and socialise by constantly talking about their husband and kids. A woman who isn’t participating will be viewed as an awkward outsider, and dismissed.

This issue affects one’s ability to participate in society, and one’s ability to be taken seriously as an adult. This can be brought into workplaces.

While repairing a vehicle, have you ever found something you shouldn’t have found (illegal or private)?

Updated Jun 28

Not only repairing, but also just cleaning out.

Crack pipe. A “straight shooter”, which is a few inches long glass tube, with (steel wool? something?) near the far end, where they load in the rock and fire up.
Bag of heroin. Street price $15.
Scummy used car dealer had disconnected the broken smog pump, and obtained a fraudulent smog certificate before he sold me the car. That was much worse than the drugs.

Why wouldn’t you send your kid to school unless you’re hiding something? Do you think homeschooling would be best because no one can see that your children are being abused?

Answered Jun 27

It depends.

In my first-hand experience, this was the exact truth.

What are your thoughts on same-sex marriage?

Updated Jul 1

I live in a country where this is legal.

There are a few angles on this.

Some random people having a same-sex marriage doesn’t have any effect on my life. And nobody is trying to coerce me into such a marriage.
On The Other Hand, if such marriages weren’t legal, that also wouldn’t have any effect on me. Because I don’t want one.

I don’t think about, “Do you have a piece of government-issued paper handcuffing you to this other person?” I would mainly be concerned with how they felt about their relationship. Because people in miserable relationships may have generally negative attitudes, which they might take out on me (e.g. coworkers bringing their personal misery into a workplace).

The “activists” fixating on same-sex marriage are barking up the wrong tree, so to speak.

The more important and fundamental issue is…

Why do you want a government-issued piece of paper telling you that you are allowed to have sex with somebody?

Aside from immigration issues, why did you decide that, the government should be involved, at all?

And why do you worship marriage, and obsession with “being in a relationship”?

I don’t care if same-sex marriage is legal ot not. I’m more interested in the dysfunction that is marriage itself.

The main beneficiaries of same-sex marriage will be divorce lawyers. Cha-Ching!

How do you instill confidence in girls as they grow up?

Updated Jun 30

Some of this applies to both girls and boys, but a lot is female-oriented.

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, a huge issue for girls and women is financial responsibility. There is a very common message (even in the 21st century) that, being female means that working and supporting one’s self is optional. When that girl becomes a young adult, she may be totally unprepared to do that. She may get into, and stay in, a bad relationship, just for the financial support. Or she may have “failure to launch” and remain dependent on her parents. Or she may become confused, frightened, and angry in a situation where she only has the money/resources that she can personally generate by working. One reason why men seem more confident about this is not because they are told they “can” do it, but rather that they must. Working and fully supporting themselves is presented as a normal, basic part of adulthood. Girls would benefit from being taught this, as well.
There is mass insecurity over physical appearance and attractiveness. This also relates to mass competition, incessant, immediate comparisons to other females, etc. It can manifest as feeling depressed, but I have also seen it come out as criticism and even hostility towards other females. There is an effort to distract from insecurities by lashing out. Girls would benefit from direct conversations about the social focus on appearance, and the dysfunctional behaviours that result.
Western media and popular culture are hypersexualised. There has been an explosion of pornography, being viewed by both boys and girls, from a young age. And it is mostly females being degraded for male consumption. Girls would benefit from being reassured that they don’t have any obligation to buy into all of this. And they don’t have to tolerate bad behaviour and attitudes from porn-programmed young men, although it is important to know that they will be facing those behaviours and attitudes.
Teach them not to worry about being viewed as a prude if they are modest, or as a loser if they are single.
Teach them about alcohol, and its dangers.
At the youngest age possible, teach girls (and boys) basic daily household activities. Put out the rubbish and recycling. Do the laundry. Clean the bathroom. Prepare a simple meal. I have encountered university students who had difficulty with these things.
Teach them how to navigate themselves with a street map, to get to someplace that they have never previously been. I have encountered allegedly adult women who didn’t grasp that this skill (and psychological aptitude) even existed.
Teach them to use the telephone in an adult manner. Start with simple things like calling a business to ask their opening hours.
Teach them to use public transportation (e.g. finding the needed routes).
Teach them about cars. Basic things like checking the oil and coolant, changing a tyre, etc. Also warn them some dishonest mechanics may assume that women know nothing about cars, and so are targets for fraudulent repair diagnoses.
Teach them about finding information. Locations of things, suppliers and prices, laws/regulations, etc. Make sure they have a library card, and understand that the internet isn’t just for playing with FaceBook.
Teach them about money. It doesn’t just magically appear, and the supply is limited. Distinguish need-spending and want-spending. Prepare them for the real possibility of having a standard of living downgrade when they get their first apartment. Open a bank account, and practice the habit of putting a few dollars into savings every week, and leaving it there. Cultivate self-control with money.
Teach them that they don’t have to be limited to pink collar jobs.
Warn them that, as a working adult, they will likely experience some level of sexual harassment. They may need to be careful in handling it, but don’t necessarily have to feel overly intimidated.
Teach them about the realities of crime. Also emphasise the fact that, a lot of violent crime is perpetrated by someone known to the victim, so they can reduce their risk by being careful about who they let into their lives.
Teach them that marriage and children are optional, not required. Warn them that, many adult women fail to understand or respect this.
Teach them that, other people won’t always want to be friends with them, and that is OK. Also teach them that, other people won’t always want to be romantic partners with them, and that is OK. Rejection is a normal part of life.
Teach them to have a good attention span. Not just in the short term (put the phone away and listen to the school lecture), but also in the longer term (worthwhile life goals cannot be accomplished if the longest time frame you can imagine is two weeks).
Teach them that there will always be some other girl or woman who seems to have a better situation (appearance, money, whatever). It may feel bad, but it is a normal part of life.
Teach them to avoid whining, and to focus on problem-solving.

What is it like to be an adult and not have kids?

Updated Jun 26

There are two sides to this – mine and society’s.

My family of origin gave a great example of the misery and life-crushing that can be caused by getting married and having children. As a child myself, I figured out quite early that, I had zero obligation or intention of recycling that misery.

It was patently obvious that, marriage and children are optional, not required. Perhaps this was part of a more general understanding that, there isn’t just one life trajectory, situation, experience that everybody “has to” play out. I knew that people make choices, have values, have environments and circumstances, etc, which lead to very different paths.

Being a naive child, I assumed that that was patently obvious to everyone else. I also assumed that people took responsibility for their lives. And I assumed that other people simply wouldn’t care about how I lived my life, since it wasn’t going to affect them. I really didn’t anticipate how personally offended and threatened people get about things that have nothing to do with them.

Having a child would have been one of the worst things I could possibly have done. That child and I would both have suffered greatly. This fact is patently obvious to me.

Society’s attitude is very different.

As a general rule, men don’t care. Although I suppose a father who feels handcuffed by financial responsibilities might feel some envy. But generally, men don’t seem interested in whether I am married or have kids.

Women are a different deal. This is a really “hot-button” issue for many. I think the women who get most offended fall into two groups:

They had an unplanned child. Or maybe multiple unplanned children. Even if they were totally consenting to the sex, and possibly negligent with contraception, and fully responsible for this, they still feel like passive victims of a bad event being inflicted upon them.
They bought into the LifeScript(TM) that, being an adult automatically involves marriage and children. They failed to take personal responsibility for making a choice.

These women may follow an interpersonal script, where practically the first topic of conversation upon meeting, is to confirm parental status. Sometimes they will directly ask, and sometimes, they will go into a speech where they tell me about their kids (ages, boys/girls, etc), and then look expectantly for me to do the same.

I once had a bottom-of-the-barrel job in a female-dominated workplace. My coworkers were poor, and knew that I was poor. Some of them still acted like I owed them an explanation for the bizarre, confusing, and offensive act of not producing any impoverished children.

In another situation, an individual in her mid-20s had affluent parents, a breadwinning husband, and it was obvious that at least her first child had been unplanned (had gotten pregnant at 19 and then married the baby-daddy, and also had another kid). She had never held a job. Her parents and her in-laws were subsidising the couple and the kids. Her parents were paying for her childcare, to enable her to pursue education (which was a disaster). She was clearly embarrassed, but also thought I owed her an explanation for why I don’t have kids, despite it being obvious that I don’t have any of those resources or support systems.

Some women do the condescending “When you become a real adult, you will accept that you have to get married and have kids” line. They will still be saying this when you are middle-aged.

Although, for some, the “married” part is optional. They think single women should be pressured to have children.

Some women love to talk on and on about their kids. And it is petty, boring stuff. And there is a lot of complaining. It seems to be a bonding experience for mothers to get together and do this. A woman who isn’t participating will be viewed as an awkward outsider.

I have been openly treated like I don’t have the right to even be in the same room with other human beings, in any situation. Including in contexts where parent vs childfree ought to be totally irrelevant. Like I was obligated to remove myself from society for the evil crime of not producing any impoverished, unwanted children.