If abusers are so unhappy with their partners, why don’t they leave?

Updated Nov 18, 2019

The abuser stays for a few reasons, based on their need for the target.

  • They generally can’t stand being alone, and are desperate for attention and acknowledgement.
  • They are practically dependent on the person whom they are abusing. This could be for money and basic adult-functioning (e.g. someone organised enough to pay the rent, etc).
  • They may be relying on their target for enabling of addictions.
  • They could be desperate for sex.
  • They are unhappy regardless of the specific partner. And need a blame-target for their unhappiness, to avoid taking responsibility.
  • They use the abuse as an emotional outlet, and to feel powerful. When they lack other outlets, or ways to feel control.
  • The current abuse target is the only one currently tolerating it, and the abuser doesn’t have a backup.
  • They fantasise that, the abuse will eventually “work”. With the target surrendering and becoming exactly who/what the abuser wants. This is the flip-side of the target’s fantasy that the abuser will eventually stop.

Why are there so many homeless people in San Francisco?

Updated Oct 8, 2019

It’s partly about two physical layout issues – one general, and one specific. Plus a perceptual issue.

San Francisco is very compact and crowded. Lots of very different people, crammed into a relatively small space. Many of whom take public transport, and also walk around. This includes tourists and other visitors.

Walk down Market Street during the daytime. You will see a large number of people, of all kinds. You won’t necessarily really register and remember the large number of yuppies, hipsters, tourists, etc that you pass by. But, disheveled-looking bums hanging around, aggressive beggars, visible drug use, urination, etc, will make a much stronger impression. Even if that is a relatively small per-capita percentage of the city’s population.

Compare that to a view of Los Angeles, where everything and everyone is spread out. And that view may also be through the windows of a car (including if you are a tourist or other visitor).

Next is the specific location of homeless services, such as soup kitchens, and many of the SRO buildings that San Francisco uses to warehouse the homeless and borderline-homeless. And, of course, some of the street corners where you can openly buy crack and heroin. You can also do various activities such as sleeping or defecating on the sidewalk, without being in front of the homes of any yuppies who might complain to police. This concentration is a charming neighbourhood called the Tenderloin district.

The Tenderloin is conveniently located a very short walk from Market Street. Including the Market and Powell cable car turnaround, which attracts large numbers of tourists. It’s also next to the Financial District, as well as the areas where a visitor might pass through on the way to Chinatown and to North Beach. Spare any change?

In contrast, the Los Angeles Skid Row district (with soup kitchens, shelters, etc) is located very far away from LA’s tourist attractions and other places for visitors. It is also segregated from the middle class, affluent, and struggling-hipster residential neighborhoods.

This leads to a difference of exposure.

With that said, I also agree with many of the other factors in the other answers here.

Why is it that unattractive people have no right to love someone?

Answered Aug 21, 2019

There are two issues with the question.

Internally feeling love directed at another person isn’t externally restricted. Your ability to do it doesn’t require anyone to view you as attractive.

It also isn’t a matter of any “right”, since it is your internal feelings, which aren’t subject to the decision of having/not-having a “right”.

What you don’t have is any “right” to have the other person reciprocate your love. Or to believe that you actually love them, or to take it seriously, or even to acknowledge it.

That lack of any “right” doesn’t depend on your level of attractiveness. Even someone who is conventionally attractive doesn’t have any “right” to have their love returned.

How do I tell my parents that I know they put a camera in my room?

Updated Aug 17, 2019

It sounds like you are probably a teenager.

What to do depends on if you are a teenage boy or a teenage girl.

In either case, do not actually say anything to them about it. And, when doing the following, do not look directly at the camera. Just pretend that you don’t even know it is there.

If you are a boy, make separate, A4 size printouts of photographs of each of your parent’s faces. Sit down in a chair, so that you are facing the camera, fairly close. Look at one of the photos, and hold it up, so that it is visible to the camera for a few moments, and they can see it is their own photo. On different occasions, alternate between using either your mother’s or your father’s photo.

Then (while holding the photo in one hand and looking at it), undo your pants, and start masturbating. Keep going until you you spooge right onto the camera lens.

If you are a girl, go into the bathroom, or somewhere outside of camera view. Take a wide felt-tip pen, and write “Mom” on your left buttock, and “Dad” on your right buttock, in large letters. Then get dressed again, with a very short skirt, but no underwear.

Then, go back to your room, put on some cheerful music, and start cheerfully dancing around.

Get right in front of the camera, turn with your back to it, bend over, and start twerking. So that your short skirt flips up, and they can see the, “Mom” and “Dad” written across your buttocks. Make sure they can see everything.

After whichever activity you choose, just relax, and go back to regular, boring activities (studying, sleeping, etc) that you normally do in your bedroom.

Do this routine at least once per week, on a continuing basis, at random intervals, so they never know when it will happen.

There is nothing lewd or disrespectful about any of this, because you will be doing it in the privacy of your own room. Where you can reasonably expect that nobody would observe you.

Again, do not directly mention it to them. Whenever you see and talk with them, just act completely normal and innocent.

How can we make bacteria that metabolize waste plastic?

Answered Jul 31, 2019

You wouldn’t necessarily “make” microbes that can do this.

There is at least one species of fungus that can break down certain types of plastic to use for food.

However, there are various problems. Some of which are biological, and some are physical.

The “plastic-eating fungus” uses enzymes called esterases, which will only work on certain classes of polymers that are structured a certain way.

Also, a chunk of plastic will only be vulnerable to reactions on its surface, which might take a long time to eat all the way through. Plus, if I recall correctly, there is a physics thing called “water activity”, which is necessary for the enzymes to work, but is going on at very low levels on the surface of the plastic (even with the fungus and/or enzymes present).

Attempting to insert the enzyme gene into bacteria for mass production has various biological problems, including protein folding, toxicity to the bacteria, etc.

Does the increase in medical technological ability match the rate of antibiotic resistance?

Answered Jul 29, 2019

Not exactly.

Increased medical technology (in this case, new antibiotics and wider distribution of them) actually pressures the development of antibiotic resistance by bacteria.

When you make a better drug, evolution responds by finding ways to resist it.

Do viruses compete with each other?

Answered Jul 27, 2019

Yes.

They can even compete with members of their same species.

Some bacteriophages (viruses which infect bacteria) will do this. The first copy to successfully infect an individual host may have a mechanism that prevents any further copies of that same phage species from being able to infect the same cell.

It should be noted that, different copies of the same virus species may have genetic mutations which make them different to each other. When they infect the host, the basic drive is to create and disseminate copies of their specific genome. This means that, preventing super-infection by competing strains allows the first strain to use all of the host resources for itself, thereby giving a competitive advantage.

What is it like to move to a big city from a small town and what are good tips on adjusting?

Answered Jul 27, 2019

Get ready to be surprised by some mind-boggling, willfully-ignorant, small-minded attitudes.

This includes from people who have spent their entire lives in the suburbs of a major city. I know that I seem to belabour this point, but it is heavily female-biased.

Even in “the big city”, many, many women assume that, every person just lives their whole life stuck in one town. Or even just one particular suburban area.

I met people in Orange County, California, who acted like “going to LA” was a special occasion. Or that, going to any unfamiliar area inside the local area would be a disorienting, frightening experience.

There are people in big-city areas who literally don’t know how to use a street map to get to the suburbs on the other side of town. It should be a basic skill, but many actually lack it. To the point where, they are unaware that anyone has that skill.

Then, add on the psychological/social factors. Some people will actually insist that every “adult” stays in whatever town where their mother lives. With zero other factors under consideration. This is one of the female-biased points.

There is a mindset that, any kind of new environment, especially without any familiar people, would just be impossible to withstand.

Then, add on the ignorance of how different other places are. I met people in Los Angeles who couldn’t comprehend, “Smallville has very poor job prospects and mass poverty, and zero educational prospects”. Or maybe they just didn’t care, since they weren’t the one being told that they would inevitably “have to go back” to Smallville.

And, speaking of “have to go back”, you can expect to hear those words decades after you escaped Smallville, without even any visits back there. You will still be treated like you are on vacation.

There are people who simply cannot comprehend that, someone might have moved around repeatedly, long distances, as a child, and so doesn’t have a fixed “hometown”. There are people who cannot comprehend that, your Mommy’s location isn’t your personal “hometown”. Because they cannot comprehend that, anyone’s parents ever relocated.

Some women (that bias again) take the attitude that, the “right” thing to do, is to just draw a twenty-kilometre radius from your birthplace (and/or Mommy’s house), and just accept that that is your world. What is or isn’t available in that tiny world isn’t seen as relevant.

This includes “right” thing in terms of “common sense”, as if every reasonable, rational person would agree.

It also includes “right” thing in terms of morality. Which is a euphemism for dissuading you from doing anything positive with your life that someone else feels too incompetent and/or afraid to do.

Is it right to tell a 19-year-old son that he has to pay rent?

Updated Jul 28, 2019

It depends on the individual circumstances and attitude.

When I was 18, I moved from my mother to my father, specifically to be in an area with better job prospects. And was living on the lounge floor of his cheap apartment.

His rent stayed the same when I moved in. I used very little electricity, and ate modestly. I had arrived with only a carload of physical possessions, and was quiet and low-impact. I cleaned up after myself, etc.

I went out and got a physically demanding factory job for minimum wage, and started paying for the petrol for a long work commute. Aside from shelter/electricity/food, I paid for anything else I wanted/needed. There were basically zero luxuries. Most of my income went into a savings account.

I knew that, the “free” roof over my head was very temporary. And was focused on working and saving to get started with total independence.

And nobody had ever had to tell me to do this. Nobody ever had to tell me that, adult responsibility was approaching. It was just patently obvious to me.

After just a few months, when I was still eighteen, my father and I parted ways. The demarcation point was his relocation to another city, and my voluntary choice to move to a different other city (since adults don’t have to get dragged around every time a parent moves). And I started completely, 100% supporting myself. I think he sent me a cheque for $50 for Christmas, on one occasion when I was about 20, and nothing else ever again.

It never occurred to me to try to live with either parent past age eighteen. I haven’t even been located anywhere near either of them in thirty years. In that time, I have been all the way down to homeless, and it was still never a possibility to go crawling back to either of them. (Their bad attitudes about how I choose to live my adult life also made that idea unviable from a very early point).

And that wasn’t nearly as hard as some people have it.

One of the coolest human beings I’ve ever known, started working, paying rent, living independently of parents, at age fifteen. And she never felt at all sorry for herself over it, and mainly described it as a challenge that she rose up to deal with, and to then go much further in life.

On the other hand, there seem to be plenty of pseudo-”adults” who feel zero sense of responsibility for supporting themselves. They feel entitled to act as if they were totally independent and in-control, while living rent-free under someone else’s roof. On and on and on, all the way to expecting a permanent, lifetime free ride.

Some of these pseudo-adults are well past the age of eighteen. And some are willfully ignorant of how much things like shelter, food, transportation, etc, cost. Some are even in denial that, obtaining money requires an employed person to expend great time and effort, whether s/he likes it or not. They think resources just magically appear.

Some may work, but then see the “free” shelter, food, etc, as enabling them to blow all of their own earnings on luxuries (video games, junk food, partying, etc, etc).

I have encountered multiple individuals who thought that, they were going to find someone who was NOT their parent or their spouse/partner, who would serve as permanent, limitless host to an openly abusive, hateful little parasite. They called this concept “friendship”.

TL;DR:

I had to pay rent when I was nineteen. Because, at that age, I was already living in my own (modest, one-room) apartment. In a low-rent, high-crime neighbourhood (thousands of kilometres away from either parent). Fully self-supporting, working long hours at a regular, demanding, grownup job.

If your young-adult offspring is living with you, then it needs to be his/her priority to either work or pursue higher education.

If working, s/he should be exercising restraint by putting some money into savings. And also accepting responsibility for at least some expenses, such as petrol, lunch food, etc.

On one hand, charging rent could emphasise the fact that basic needs cost money, and that they will have to pay eventually. It can also make staying with parents less appealing, and prompting them towards independence.

On the other hand, if they are already working towards independence, charging rent could backfire, by making it harder and more time-consuming to save up to move out.

I would be inclined to only suggest a “pay rent or get out” ultimatum if the individual is abusing the “free” shelter situation for an extended period of time.

At that point, if they don’t like the situation, they can go out and pay rent to a real-world landlord, who may charge far more, provide far more modest conditions, and be far less tolerant than Mommy and Daddy.

What would you say to death if you met it?

Answered Jul 25, 2019

Flippant answer:

“If you’re looking for Victoria, she isn’t here. Try some other location”.

Slightly serious answer:

Me: “Hi, Death. How’s it going?”

Death “You’re the one who’s going”.

Me: “What’s up?”

Death: “Are you being deliberately obtuse, to drag out this process? Time is up. Yours.”

Me: “Bummer”.

Death: “You aren’t as surprised as a lot people who meet me”.

Me: “I was expecting you eventually”.

Death: “Most people don’t seem to expect me. They are actually surprised to find out that I am real. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt”.

Me: “If I go quietly, without a fight… Can we visit a few acquaintances of mine on the way? Surprises are fun.”